Aussie wedges spam javelin in ring spanner

Cue - you guessed it - fire crew and angle grinder

An Australian man whose penis somehow became lodged in a ring spanner earlier this week was freed in the traditional manner - by a fire crew bearing an angle grinder.

According to this local report, "firies" were called to a hospital in the New South Wales city of Tweed Heads on Monday to perform what for them is apparently routine surgery.

Senior firefighter Peter Sutherland explained his elite extraction team's method thus: "We use a tiny angle grinder that’s air operated and use measuring tape to protect the skin and slowly zip away at it while keeping water running on it so it doesn't get too hot.

"It's a pretty delicate operation especially where it is, there’s a lot of blood vessels. We do quite a few of them."

Sutherland advised that in the event of todger entrapment, quick action is vital. He said: "It's really dangerous because inevitably people leave it too long to come see us because they are embarrassed, or say my wife said to put butter on it, sleep on it and it will go down."

"It never does," he warned.

While getting one's engorged spam javelin trapped in a ring spanner is fairly impressive, Australians will have to pull their fingers out if they're to challenge the current head of the trouser department mishap league - a 52-year-old German who required release from 13 steel rings. ®