The legend of Samson and Delilah… sort of

The Modern English translation of Judges 16

1 One day BT went to Ludgate Hill, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her. 2 The operators of UK were told: "BT is here!" So they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate. They made no move during the night, saying, "At dawn we'll kill him." 3 But BT lay there only until the middle of the night. Then he got up and took hold of the legislative constraints, and tore them loose. He lifted them to his shoulders and carried them to the top of the hill that faces Westminster. 4 Some time later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Watchdog whose name was Oftel. 5 The rulers of the Operators went to her and said: "See if you can lure him into showing you the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so we may tie him up and subdue him. Each one of us will give you eleven hundred shekels [approx £5m]." 6 So Oftel said to BT: "Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued." 7 BT answered her: "If anyone ties me with seven fresh regulations that have not been dried, I'll become as weak as any other man." 8 Then the rulers of the Operators brought her seven fresh regulations that had not been dried, and she tied him with them. 9 With men hidden in the room, she called to him: "BT, the Operators are upon you!" But he snapped the regulations as easily as a piece of string snaps when it comes close to a flame. So the secret of his strength was not discovered. 10 Then Oftel said to BT: "You have made a fool of me; you lied to me. Come now, tell me how you can be tied." 11 He said: "If anyone ties me securely with new regulations that have never been used, I'll become as weak as any other man." 12 So Oftel took new regulations and tied him with them. Then, with men hidden in the room, she called to him: "BT, the Operators are upon you!" But he snapped the regulations off his arms as if they were threads. 13 Oftel then said to BT: "Until now, you have been making a fool of me and lying to me. Tell me how you can be tied." He replied: "If you weave the seven licences of my head into the bidding process and tighten it with the review, I'll become as weak as any other man." 14 So while he was sleeping, Oftel took the seven licences of his head and tightened them with the review. Again she called to him: "BT, the Operators are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and pulled up the review and the bidding process, with the licences. 15 Then she said to him: "How can you say, 'I love you', when you won't confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me. 16 With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death. 17 So he told her everything. "No law has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Monopoly set apart to Profit since birth. If my local loops were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man." 18 When Oftel saw that he had told her everything, she sent word to the rulers of the Operators: "Come back once more; he has told me everything." So the rulers of the Operators returned with the silver in their hands. 19 Having put him to sleep on her lap, she called a man to shave off the local loops, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him. 20 Then she called: "BT, the Operators are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and thought: "I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the LAW had left him... Editor's note: The text breaks off here. What the future holds, we can't be sure ®