Well, you know you've arrived when the God Squad starts waving bibles at you. This missive arrived this morning at Vulture Central. We haven't got the faintest idea what it's about, but ignorance is no excuse.
----- Original Message -----
From: Net Authority Investigations
To: The Register
Sent: Thursday, June 21, 2001 7:51 AM
Subject: Notification of Internet Violations
Dear The Register,
It has recently been brought to our attention that you are, or have been, in violation of the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines. It has been reported that you distribute offensive materials over the Internet.
Net Authority has investigated these claims by checking your webpage at http://www.theregister.com and verified that they are true.
As a result, your personal information has been added to one or more Net Authority Internet offender databases. Your information will be stored in the databases until enough evidence has been gathered against you to warrant further actions. To help avoid such a situation, it is strongly recommended that you cease your immoral actions on the Internet at once.
You have been added to the following databases:
- General Blasphemy Offenders
If you would like more information about Net Authority or the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines, you may read the details at http://www.netauthority.org/. It is imperative that you fully understand the guidelines if you wish to avoid further prosecution.
While the individual who reported your actions to us will remain anonymous, he or she wished to pass these words on to you:
"The Register is a very blasphemous site."
May God be with you as you struggle to overcome these evil impulses. You will be in our prayers at night.
Net Authority Investigations Department
Ho ho, very droll. But, is that it? 'The Register is a very blasphemous site'? Don't we get some sort of certificate to put next to our ABCe figures? After all, eternal damnation is all very well and good, but you can't hang in on the wall, can you? Scrub the prayers - we want our certificate.
Further information on these apparently self-righteous and self-appointed guardians of net morality can be found at here. Have fun.
For the record, we have fallen foul of the following clause of Net Authority's 'Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines':
Blasphemic content is any material that is seen as sin through the eyes of our Lord. It is expected that all Internet users familiarize themselves with The Bible. Ignorance is no excuse! If you are involved with the distribution of, or obtain in any fashion material that is considered offensive, then you are in violation of the NA-AIUG.