Those readers who still have a bit of Xmas charity in their wallets might like to consider the heartbreaking appeal of college girl Michel, a lady very much in need of a new-year boost.
Michel, 24, has launched a website asking for contributions to transform her "itty-bitty boobies" from a modest 34A to a mouth-watering pair of "big tatas (o)(o) !!!"
Phew. Michel explains: "I made this site because I have been considering breast augmentation for many years and would like support getting there. I do just fine with padded bras (BestForm hidden pushups, 34A), but I think augmented boobs look nice, and I think a lot of other people do too.
"However, everyone I talk to tells me NOT to get the procedure (best friend, sister, etc..). After a lot of arguing with my mom, she finally told me that it would be expensive and not worth it.
"That's when I figured I would let the world decide. If somebody likes augmented breasts, they will add a tiny amount to my breast fund. If they do not, they will leave and my boob fund will stay zero. If the boob fund ever reaches $4,500 (the current going rate), then I will have proof that the world loves large shapely breasts as much as I do, and I will go get my breasts augmented. And nobody will be able to say that I wasted money or that nobody thinks bigger boobs are better! The fate of my boobs are in your hands!"
For the record, Michel's fund currently stands at $19.36, which by our reckoning will add a modest 0.01in to her assets. Hardly the groundswell of public support she was hoping for.
Of course, she might do better if she posted something a bit more provocative on her photo gallery, where readers are issued with the following "Warning: There are no 'nudes' here (I'm not that kind of girl!!). I will consider posting a tasteful topless photo if this site succeeds and I get new boobs".
Fair enough, Michel doesn't want her mams splashed all over the web, but here's a suggestion from the El Reg marketing team: what about a "Boob-o-meter" featuring a pair of animated breasts which expand as the cash flows into the kitty?
Alternatively - as my wife has just reminded me with a firm clip round the ear - Michel could just leave her chest as God intended and find someone to love her as she is.
You must decide. Michel's breasts are in your hands. ®