We were always led to believe that it's tough up North, but good Lord, we never imagined how truly Dickensian things could be - especially if you're a 14-year-old lad living in some kind of Trainspotting nightmare scenario.
What must be especially galling for the young victim in question is that, a few technicalities aside, he's sitting on a $50m fortune. Now, if only he could liberate those greenbacks, he'd be able to escape his drug-addled strumpet of a mother. And get some much-needed English tuition. Read on:
How are you?
I am Tony Fred Willaims i am 14 years old i live in London (Uk) before my father died, now i live with my mother in Scottland. my father is from London (Uk) and my mother is from Scottland. my late father Mr. Fred Willaims was an engineer in London (Uk) before he died in a car acedent this year july 9th 2003. he left $50M (Fifty Million Dollars) in his account before he died. The $50M is in the ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) i have been trying to collect the money from ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) but the Md Ceo Mr James Orriss told me to go and look for some body that is old enough to help me collect the money. I could have told my mother to assist me to collect the $50M for me but my mother and father has divorce before my father died and my father told me to not have anything to do with my mother i dont even want her to know because what my father told me before he died was not a lie, now that i stay with my mother in Scottland she dont even have time for me all she do is to take hard drugs and to bring men to the house to sleep with and she also hate me all the time. i dont want to have anything to do with her. i just want some body that is old enough and honest to help me collect the $50m from the bank as i am to young to take care of $50M. Please i need your help if you can assist me to collect the $50M from the bank i will give you 35% and take 65%. I have the affidavite of claims that makes me the indeed bonified next of kin to my late father Mr. Fred Williams which i have show it to the bank Md Ceo Mr James Orriss. he told me to look for some body that is old enough so that he can send the $50m to the person in 24 hours. if you can help me i will contact Mr. James Orriss and told him that i have find someone who want to help me collect the $50M . and i will give you is contact so that you can contact him to enable him send the $50M to your provided account in 24 hours. if you are intrested to help me get back to me on this my email (firstname.lastname@example.org ) so that i can forward to you the contact of the bank. I will be waiting for your urgent reply.
Mr Tony Fred Williams.
So, if you are indeed bonified and willing to travel to Scottland and thence to London to confront the monstrous Mr James Orriss, Md Ceo of the first union naional bank-na london Uk, then email poor Tony forthwith. He'll make it worth your while, but do please make sure he puts aside a few quid for his dear old ma's rehab, bless 'er. ®
Thanks to Tim Hammerquist for this one: his is the Trainspotting reference, btw.