Let's face it - it's not every day that you get an email from one of President Kennedy's former squeezes who finds herself rather inconveniently imprisoned in a hole in the ground with only a computer for company and $10m dollars to give away to worthy causes.
This latest 419 variant marks an interesting departure for the lads from Lagos. Connoiseurs of the genre will enjoy its sheer audacity, even if its delivery in old-fashioned 419 CAPITALS makes it hard work on the eyes:
From: amanda clinton [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Friday, February 20, 2004 1:55 PM
Subject: "IT IS TIME TO ACT NOW"!!!
FROM MISS AMANDA CLINTON.
HI THERE, MY NAME IS AMANDA CLINTON A WOMAN FROM "IN GOD WE TRUST "!!! COUNTRY CALLED UNITED STATE OF AMERICA (U.S.A), A WOMAN FROM NEW YORK. I AM SEVENTHY YEARS OF AGE (70YRS), ONE OF THE FIRST THREE GIRL FRIEND OF JOHN KENNEDY. BUT AFTER ALL MY RELATIONSHIP IN MY EARLIEST 20TH AND LATE 30TH,I DID NOT SETTLE FOR ANY MAN. I HAVE NO FAMILY LOSE THEM FROM MY TEENAGER AGE BUT RIGHT NOW I AM ONE OF THE UNKNOWN MULTI MILLIONAIRE SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IN U.S.A. WHEN I WAS KIDNAPPED BY UNKNOWN GUN MEN TO AN UNKNOWN COUNTRY WHICH I DON'T HAVE IDEAL OF WERE I AM , BECAUSE I WAS PLACE IN AN UNDER GROUND IN A RURAL AREA WERE I ONLY HAVE ACCESS TO COMPUTER ONLY, WHICH THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT I CAN OPERATE COMPUTER. RIGHT NOW I HAVE BEEN GIVEN A MONTH TO LIVE BY THI GUN MEN BECAUSE I REFUSED TO SIGN AND TRANSFER MY MILLION TO THIER ACCOUNT. BUT BEFORE I WAS KIDNAPPED BY THIS GUN MEN SOME BODY WROTE ME A MAIL JUST LIKE AM WRITING YOU NOW TELLING ME ABOUT THE KIDNAPPED PLAN BUT I DID NOT BELIEVE THE MAIL, THE ONLY SUCCESSFUL THING THAT I DID WAS TO TRANSFER ALL MY MILLION TO THIS SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE BECAUSE I HAVE AN INTENTION TO RELOCATE TO THE COUNTRY IN EUROPE. RIGHT NOW DUE TO MY UNLIMITED DAYS ON EARTH I HAVE SET OUT PLANS, ALSO EMAIL MY SECURITY COMPANY TO ALLOCATE (SHARE) THIS MILLION OF DOLLARS TO $10MILLION, TO EACH "GOD MINDED PEOPLE" FROM MY APPROVAL THAT CAN CARRY OUT GOD WORK IN A LITTLE WAY THEY CAN. SO IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON THAT AM LOOKING FOR, WHY DON'T YOU VIA ME WITH YOUR PERSONAL PARTICULAR:
1: FULL NAME.
2: PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER AND FAX NUMBER.
3: HOME AND OFFICE ADDRESS.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT AFTER ALL THIS INFORMATION HAVE BEEN TRANSFER TO ME, WILL BE AUTHOMATICALLY APPROVED BY ME AND FORWARDED TO MY SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE FOR EASY RELEASED OF THE SAID FUND. I THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT I HAVE PLAY MY OWN ROLE ON EARTH AM LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAVEN. REMAIN BLESS IN THE LORD AMANDA CLINTON.
It's certainly to be applauded that the ongoing closure of the digital divide allows even septuagenarian hole-bound kidnappees to access the Internet, no matter how rural the area in which they find themselves incarcerated. GSM and satellite broadband? Bring it on.
We're also impressed that Ms Clinton has the presence of mind to ask for her solicitee's phone/fax/address details - presumably in case she finds herself in the future incarcerated in a telephone kiosk/fax bureau/Post Office by her unwitting gaolers.
Sadly, this seems unlikely as time is running out for Amanda. We can only hope that she is sucessful in distributing her $10m before her prison becomes her permanent resting place. ®
The usual thanks to Kimberly Renee Burgess for alerting us as to Amanda Clinton's plight.