So popular has our appeal for spam poetry proved, that we are setting a cut-off date for submissions to end the madness before someone gets hurt.
To recap, we're on the lookout for firewall-dodging compositions which, as we put it, transcend the junk mail paradigm. Here are a few examples from the bulging postbag:
Any bluish slopy carpet smiles at the place that our beautiful glasses stares. (Chris Allen)
steam engine behind girl scout recognize squid over cup, or toward anomaly can be kind to judge over salad dressing. When you see grain of sand beyond pork chop, it means that cowboy defined by returns home. (Tom King)
mutiny pugmccullough denouement peppermintequinox pixel struckscarce
demon upriverafghan chat graybeardshameful columbine disgruntletenuous
analgesic dittysarcoma syrupy crotchetybegging dribble expireresurrect
garage boltonorphanage rancho floodgatedownslope catlike (Ann Barcomb)
And that's just the quickest dip into the linguistic black lagoon from which the spam creature crawled forth by night.
So, tomorrow (Friday 2 July) at 5pm UK time is the absolute final deadline for readers to send over their own particular favourites. After that, we'll collate the best for publication next week. Email your stuff directly to me. There will be prizes of some description for the outstanding stuff, as is the local custom.
To inspire those of you who normally bin spam without ceremony, here is one just in. God alone knows what it's all about, but it appears that al-Qaeda has run a press release through a James Joyce emulator. The last line is a beauty. Enjoy:
From: "Webmaster@Marmy.mil" <Webmaster@Marmy.mil>
Subject: It is deserter that American marines official calls by U.S. army hostage who kidnaps
It is deserter that American marines official calls by U.S. army hostage who kidnaps On June 30 electricity American marines official's teachings of 29 days in Xinhua net Washington , the marines privates tile by kidnaps of Iraq being living squeezes in the Ali breathes out that the pine is living to be kidnapped preceding that the resolution is escape away the barracks because the essence accepts the irritate , returns Lebanon old home
The U.S. << bulletion when New York >> Web Site invocation of 30 days this official who is not ready to the ovet surname and personal name it is told that , " to breathe out the pine is the Iraqi that he looked upon to girl friend by some is foold , the result drops in kidnapper's hand " This official says , breathes out the pine current year 24 years , is born from Lebanon . He seeed with one's own eyes a battle companion and was forced to heat that the frightful occasion queen that the shell bursts the smashedly essence is subjected to the very great irritate.
What more can we add than: "We got the inside story from the controlled environment. What came next? Flamethrowers, of course". Exactly. ®