Letters Right - it's Friday, and we promised you a dissection and statistical analysis of your responses to the flame-bait that was the New Democrat Outreach Program's Reach out and Sneer piece.
We had a big mailbag, almost half as big as that for our Haiku competition, earlier this year. But no more, thanks: this correspondence is now closed.
We've broken the replies down as follows:
A: Those who spotted that the article was satire, even if the intent was serious (well done): Eight in total, three blue, one red and four of no discernable colour.
B: Those who did not: Everyone else, 68 blue, 54 red, 12 neutrals, and 14 apparently insane people.
We've split the non-satire-spotting-reds into further sub categories, because although there weren't as many as non-satire-spotting blues, they were much more varied. Blue writers were almost unanimous in their gratitude that "someone finally said it". Red writers, on the other hand, were either straightforward (15), weird (10) or violently abusive (29).
Now, we'll not pour too much scorn on you for missing the satire, because, well, this was a closely contested election, and lots of people were saying things just as inflammatory and meaning them. See how nice we are?
Incidentally, two people spotted that the piece was unlikely to have been written by an American. The references to 'Primary and secondary schools', instead of elementary, middle and high school, and the British habit of arranging dates in a day/month/year order gave us away, apparently. Blame the sub-editor, not the Brits.
Let's get right to the good ones. We've tried to give you a balanced impression of the postbag, but we'll leave it to you guess which category any of them falls into:
Nice rant. I was one of the people who voted for Bush. Am I happy about it? Hell no. I think he is a complete moron who isn't qualified to run around the block, much less run a country. So why would I vote for him? Because the Democrats, in all there glorified wisdom, couldn't come up with any choice better than a flip flopping wanker from Massachusetts and his wonder boy sidekick, the personal injury lawyer (who we all know are pillars of virtue). I have been looking forward to voting Dubya out of office since the day he was elected and instead I get a chance to choose between the lesser of two evils. And as is usually the case, people stick with the devil they know.
Now all I hear is the touting of our beloved Hillary (yes, I am from New York, unlike her) as your candidate for 2008. I guess you have decided to use the Republican strategy and go for name recognition, instead of actual qualifications. Plain and simple, find a viable candidate and I will gladly vote for him/her.
I do agree on one point, we do need a revolution. We need to limit the power of both the Democrats and the Republicans, and create several more political parties. After all, having only two (viable, Nader doesn't count) candidates to choose from is only one candidate away from a dictatorship.
"This is not a good man. Not a good man." Mrs. Cheney
I hope W outlaws freedom of speech to shut smart asses like you up, praise the Lord. Or at least close the internets that come from Yurup!
Sinseerly, Bernd J Ustorf
Dear Sir or Madam I read your article in the Register and found it tasteless and insulting on a dozen levels. I am a registered Democrat who did not and does not support the Bush Regime, yet I am living in a 'Red' state. For what it's worth, I haven't spoken to more than three people nationwide who claimed to have voted for Bush. I am a reporter and I covered the elections. I have seen the electronic voting machines and frankly, if our government fixed the election, the average human being wouldn't know the difference. It wouldn't even be difficult for someone with a little computer know-how. Your article doesn't only slam the mindless support of the Republican voters. It slams people for their choices in religion (no one in my fundamentalist, tongues-speaking church supported Bush), and for their jobs. As you rightly pointed out, you (the Blue states) make your living off the backs of those workers. Are you willing to give up the waitress who serves you coffee and croissants? Are you willing to throw away the truck drivers who keep our economy moving, insuring steady supplies of the items our consumerism economy requires to remain solvent?
Funny how your support of freedoms don't extend to those areas any longer. You give lip service to freedom but don't really support it. You choose instead to display a bourgeois disregard for the people you claim to want to help. Gee, sounds to me a lot like the Bush regime. I planned to move to a Blue state, and hoped to make a better life for myself. But God help me if I acquire the venom and atrocious judgment you displayed in this article. While you drive home some good points, they are overshadowed by the bigotry. You don't want to help, you want to present a facade of help while continuing the corruption of your own overblown ego. I am sending a copy of this email to the Register, though doubtless they will dismiss it, as I'm sure you will. I plan also to forward this to other outlets, however. Maybe there are a few Blues who still maintain enough humanity to recall a few words of our founding fathers' original documents. The words "and justice for ALL" spring to
Not everyone in the Red States voted to put Bush in the White House. I know several people in Red States that voted for Kerry and whose vote was not enough. It would be better to condemn the Bush supporters not all the people living in these red states.
You may have beautiful bodies and clever minds, but you will still get old and die. And then what? AND THEN WHAT???
Wow, I don't know whether to laugh or feel really sorry for you if you honestly believe all that garbage! It's amazing what nonsense some people will listen to.. Yikes, I fear for a future full of people like YOU! God Bless!! ;)
Y'all sure do tell a funny story. Shore 'nuff. Laft so hard, Ah tho't Ah'd wet mah britches. Couldn't quit follow whut you was tryin' to git at, but y'all shore stuck it to those commie bastuhds. Fuckin' Reds. Ain't none of those boys settin' one foot on my farm without gittin' some lead in his ass, Ah'll tell yuh that.
"Jerking off a bull." Now, that ain't easy, Ah'm tellin' yuh.
Hell, boy, don't let that damn 'lection git you down. It ain't nuthin' but a thang. Ole Georgie ain't gonna do nuthin' whut God don't tell him to do, and if y'all'd ever gone to Sunday school, y'all'd know God is good and merciful. Hallelujah.
We largely understand that it is necessary for you blues to console yourselves with a feel-good superiority piece. It's ok. We forgive you. The fact is, we already know how superior you feel to us. It's why we don't vote for your guy.
There is no reason for you to be sore loosers. I would suggest that you use your superior intellect to constructively examine the reasons for your loss from the perspective of someone outside your party. It might not feel quite as good, but it might actually accomplish something.
For example, when you talk about reds being held in bondage by multinationals, you might think of the recent stumbling block in California. The Governor had to force the democrats via bad publicity to buck the special interests for the greater interest of the state. You might then think, "Well, this is really just a part of government that is the same for both sides. Perhaps that comment is really unfounded". Try this logic out on other of your comments, I think you might find it eye-opening. When you talk about deficit spending, you might realize that we are in a war... the focus of which is to eliminate the ability of terrorists to knock down your pretty buildings. You see, the financial strength of this country really depends more on peoples perceptions of the strength and resilience of the United States than anything else. A little deficit spending now can prevent an economic collapse later. Only two or three more 9-11s targeted at Silicon Valley, Wall Street, downtown Chicago, etc. would be enough to scare away the perception of strength, and we don't want that for you. We want the perception to remain strong so that the economy can continue to grow, so the deficit can be made up, and so you can continue your happy puffy lifestyle.
When you denegrate the soldiers that fight for you, perhaps you should stop to think where you would be if we werent here. You would actually have to defend yourselves. Oh, and I don't know any volunteer soldiers with manicures and bath beads, so you most definately would need a draft.
Finally, all other blather needing no comment, I will tell you something you really need to know. More than the red states are under hypnotic control of the superior bushite overlords of the north, the blue states are the unwitting puppets of central Europe. They have you convinced that the term "Rest of the World" refers to the two countries France and Germany. They have you feeling certain that "Saddam was not so Bad" without letting slip that the reason for this belief is that Saddam was rewarding them handsomely for their support. They have you believing, in unison with most of this country's worst enemies, that "Kerry would be a better president" because they know what would make the United States weaker to their influence. You are even speaking of secession as if French capitulation was an American trait.
It's not too late. If you try honestly to think logically, individually, and from several perspectives* about the things that seem most important and agreeable to you, you might begin to see the fallacies of your central European ideologies. Despite your best efforts to the contrary, the red states keep you safe and grounded in reality. You're welcome.
-John R. Dallas, Texas
* "Several perspectives" includes examination of the idea, "What if I am not right?".
Best thing I've read all year! Mindblowing! How can I help?
Thank you for your article. It put into words the overwhelming anger we Blues feel as we try to continue living in the Red states. I was so hoping for a better tomorrow. Not just for me, but for all people who suffer daily as Americans trying to eke out a better life.
To whom ever is on the recieving end of this note, I'm in a red state and voted for Kerry. You are very fortunate to live elsewhere. Aside from the bad words I'm in strong agreement with you.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Funny stuff, really. Untrue, but funny. Nice try, actually, but not based on reality. Come pay a visit, we have it pretty good out in in the Red zone. Incididentally, you're a coward.
From the 59 Million Americans that voted for President Bush - and just in case you didn't hear us, or get the message -
We said on Tuesday November 2nd - Very loudly and Very clearly;
"SHUT THE FU*K UP!
Go Fuck Yourself. You and your kind had your shot and you lost. I don't go to church, I don't shop at Walmart and I don't need some frustrated asshole trying to tell me what to do.
damn, my dad was is a mexican and a "wetback" since he quite literally swam accross back in 1968-69: so, fuck you mother fuckers! ... otherwise great fucken prod, I especially liked the turning of the white trash into the proverbial mexican laborer, then in calling them wetbacks at the end.
Not sure if I should be offended, but just in case I should,
Fuck YOU you spineless racist, bigotted pieces of shit. Dumb fucks like you probably voted for prop 200 here in arizona with your misguided ideas about migrants... no one escapes taxes except rich people and even then its hard... ok barely, oh also the bums escape paying taxes but hey if you don't have an address how can they get you....
sincerely, someone who isn't going to give you their email address for you to insert into some damn list in order to spam me later as I would if I knew your real email address. /ps don't give a damn about my spelling so fuck you you spelling nazi's!
I'll have you know, you self-rightous prig, that I have indeed had a chance or two to get some seriously good Mexican bud.
Oh, the nerve of you to press your prejudiced notions onto others. Check your facts, pal!
El pollo de la muerte
Slow week for letters? Trolling for FoTW?
Good luck, and a pint of the stale pale ale to you!
Ahh, rumbled. ®