Socially inadequate? Meet V-girl

Virtual tease for the desperate and lonely

There's some good news on the relationship front today for those heterosexual male readers who are tired of the trouble and expense of having a real girlfriend, or are just too ugly or dull to get their hands on the real thing - V-girl, aka Vivenne Rose.

Vivienne is a virtual minx brought to you by the power of mobile technology. She's the offspring of Hong Kong-based Artificial Life Inc., offering lonely, desperate men the chance to have a distance relationship with a real computer via their throbbing 3G mobes.

The man, ahem, behind Vivienne is Eberhard Schöneburg, a "former professor of artificial intelligence and neural networks who used to work on expert systems for German military projects", as the New York Times calmly explains. Schöneburg brought all the power of computerized voice synthesis, streaming video and text messaging technology to bear on V-girl, who is apparently able to chew the fat on 35,000 subjects - ranging from "philosophy to movies to sculpture" - as she moves effortlessly through her virtual world.

So, what makes V-girl special, so special that someone would shell out hard cash for a date? Take it away, Vivienne:

• I have emotions
• I'll be your companion anywhere and anytime
• We can play Mini Games together
• I am fully dynamic

Fully dynamic? Now you're talking.

I'm not just another pretty face. I am supported by artificial intelligence. I am more than just a 3D bot. I act just like a real girl - I laugh, I cry, I flirt, I chat, I argue - I can even blow you kisses.

Kisses? What about a shag? This is costing good money.

We can have exciting conversations about all sorts of things. You can watch me as I go through my daily life. I will offer you...

Yes, yes?

...companionship, commitment, entertainment and a whole lot more... however...

Bloody hell, here we go...

... I will not have real or virtual sex with you, sorry!

So what's the friggin' point of all this, then?

The goal of the game is to make a new friend - a virtual friend - me!

Anyone who needs a new friend so badly that he is willing to stump up to meet V-girl for a bit of "hands-where-I-can-see-'em-and-no-tongues" heavy texting should note that she will be available for hire in Singapore and Malaysia by the end of April, in Western Europe by late spring and "possibly in a few American cities by the end of the year". God preserve us all. ®

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