This article is more than 1 year old
Online casino tattoos woman's face
The unacceptable face of capitalism
A Utah woman has become the latest asset in online gambling outfit GoldenPalace.com's eBay preposterous purchase portfolio after accepting $15,000 dollars to have the casino's name permanently tattooed on her forehead.
Karolyne Smith joins the Virgin Mary toasted cheese sandwich and other assorted tat for which Golden Palace has shelled out gambling punters' hard-lost cash.
Back in February, an amply-endowed Glaswegian lass trousered £422 to bear a temporary Golden Palace tattoo on her heaving cleavage. All good clean fun, we noted at the time.
But Karolyne Smith is altogether another matter. She's not the first case of someone offering their body for permanent advertising - back in 2002, a hard-up eBayer whipped out his todger in an attempt to secure a penile sponsorship deal. In that case, however, the worst that could come of it is that the chap's long-suffering girlfriend would have to have GoldenPalace.com rammed down her throat a couple of times a month.
Smith, on the other hand, now has a url plastered across her face. She claims that she did it to raise funds for her son's private education, enthusing: "I really want to do this. To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like $1 million. I only live once, and I'm doing it for my son ... It's a small sacrifice to build a better future for my son."
No it isn't a small sacrifice - it's a bloody daft thing to do for $15k and raises the question as to whether Smith is not a couple of bids short of a auction. To its credit, the tattoo parlour which did the dirty deed - SI TATTOOING in Salt Lake City - reportedly spent seven hours trying to talk her out of it. Well, sort of to its credit, because it went ahead and tattooed the silly woman anyway, but it's the thought that counts...
The Golden Palace take on this, the literally unacceptable face of capitalism, is as follows: "I think this kind of advertising will become increasingly popular as time goes on. It is a perfect way to get attention amid the clutter of advertising that people see every second of every day. Conventional forms of marketing just don't cut it anymore. To get people's attention, you have to stand out from the crowd. In light of Karolyne's story and her intentions to improve her son's education, we have given her additional $5,000 on top of the $10,000 spent on the auction."
Ah, Gawd bless yer philanthropic cotton socks, GoldenPalace.com CEO Richard Rowe. And now go away and consider whether allowing cash-strapped mums to be permanently disfigured is a legitimate way to promote your product. If the answer is yes, here are a few further suggestions from the Vulture Central Strategy Boutique:
- GoldenPalace.com branded Papacy. If Benny 16 doesn't fancy getting permanently tattooed up, then what about a huge banner fluttering above any Papal address in St Peter's Square reading: "The Catholic Church and Golden Palace: Proud purveyors of the Virgin Mary toasted cheese sandwich"?
- GoldenPalace.com branded t-shirts for death row prisoners. Should prove particularly provocative in Florida, especially if url is preceded by "Frying tonight courtesy of..." in big black letters.
- GoldenPalace.com branded vibrating panties. Especially effective at delivering your brand to astounded paramedics.
- GoldenPalace.com branded Iraqi insurgents - the ideal way to get your message across with a bang.
- GoldenPalace.com branded overproof white rum - the only known antidote to Golden Palace face tattooing stories.
Can you think of a better way for GoldenPalace.com to increase its brand frontage? Send your suggestions to me right here (mark the subject as: Golden Palace) before close of play (5pm-ish GMT) next Friday, 8 July and we'll reprint the best the following week. There may also be a few Reg goodies for outstanding contributions. ®
- Not open to employees or management of GoldenPalace.com.
- Not open to anyone with a tattoo on their face.