Right, let's get down to business - you've warmed yourself up with the vibrating knickers, plugged the iPod into the Muff Dock and slipped into the backless thong, but there's still something standing between you and an earth-shattering climax...
Ah yes, your boyfriend is at a data networking conference in Birmingham. But while this would previously have been an insurmountable barrier to sexual intimacy, distance can no longer keep the tech-savvy rumpy-pumpyists from enjoying a private moment together.
Indeed, while less connected couples would have to make do with a bit of solo flying, those with a broadband connection and £79.95 to spare can now avail themselves of the Highjoy Internet Enabled Rabbit, 10.5 inches of non-toxic vinyl rubber net joy which "invites couples to join the online sexual revolution".
Yup, praise be once again to the internet. Here are some of the bangs you get for your bucks:
With your purchase you receive a free membership to HighJoy, the website that enables you to watch and control a partners sex toys from any PC, anywhere in the world!
Whether you spend time away from each other for work, or you just want to meet other like-minded people for true cybersex then this great new innovation is for you.
Naturally, there has to be an IT angle to all this, so here are the system requirements: "Windows 98 or later, serial or USB port, healthy sexual appetite!" Furthermore, those with a purely technical interest in how the Internet Enabled Rabbit actually works are invited to peruse HighJoy's comprehensive user interface tutorial (PDF).
The revolutionary and vibratory Rabbit is available from sextoys.co.uk (motto: "One site fits all"). As the firm's Monique Carty told UK tabloid the Sun: "It brings the most-acclaimed vibrator, the rabbit into the 21st century with a bang." Phwooooar! ®