Here's a cautionary tale if you're a woman planning to use a fake penis filled with someone else's urine to pass a drugs test as part of a job application: don't take it to the local convenience store and ask the clerk to microwave it "so the urine inside would be body-temperature and fool those giving the drug test".
So now you know, thanks to Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, and Vincent Bostic, 31, of Pittsburgh, who were cited last Friday for "criminal mischief and disorderly conduct in the 23 February incident at the Get Go! gasoline and convenience store in McKeesport, about 10 miles east of Pittsburgh", the Washington Post reports.
According to the quite remarkable account of the attempted fraud, Police Chief Joseph Pero explained that, "Bostic had filled a fake penis with his urine that Creighton, a friend, planned to use to pass a drug test she was taking to get a job".
Police aren't exactly sure "why or how Creighton chose to use a device that mimics the male sex organ to pass her drug test", but are pretty certain that the attempted member-warming rendered the microwave subsequently unusable because it "couldn't be used for food once bodily fluids were cooked inside it".
Hence the criminal mischief charge - based on a "criminal intent to damage the microwave" - of which defense attorney William Difenderfer said his clients had no such intent and were prepared to reimburse the store for the loss of the machine.
Difenderfer said: "I certainly understand the ramifications and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't a stupid thing to do. But there's a lot of bizarre stuff that we don't always have a remedy for in the crimes code."
If convicted, the pair face up to 90 days' chockey and a $300 maximum fine on each charge. The Washington Post is rather disappointingly unable to clarify "what kind of job the woman applied for, or whether she was hired". ®