An anonymous Merseyside man who had an implant to "help with erection problems" has found he becomes uncontrollably aroused every time his neighbour pulls up in his 4X4, the Scottish Daily Record reports.
The spontaneous hardening is due not to a Liverpudlian all-terrain fetish, but rather to the car owner's garage door remote which, well, here's a transcript of the conversation the poor chap had with BBC Radio Merseyside host Roger Phillips when he rather splendidly chose to share his woes with the world:
CALLER: I had a problem with impotence and I had an operation in Turkey and got an implant which would help.
HOST: I know the sort of thing.
CALLER: But what is happening now is every time my neighbour comes back in their 4 x 4, I get an erection.
HOST: Good Lord.
CALLER: This is embarrassing. It's a big problem.
HOST: Have you been to see your doctor about it?
CALLER: The problem is I had this done in Turkey, using equipment that is not known in this country. I don't like it because every time his car pulls in I can't leave the house.
HOST: (Laughing) I'm afraid that it sounds funny as well. I know it's not funny for you.
CALLER: It's not funny for me, Roger, when I can't leave the house because I'm walking around with a big erection.
HOST: You're going to have to go and see a doctor.
Terrific, although quite what your average GP is going to make of the first recorded case of "Turkish garage door remote spontaneous priapism syndrome" is anyone's guess. ®
Thanks to Richard Corney for the tip-off. No, we're not sure that the caller wasn't pulling listeners' plonkers, either...