It has been brought to our attention that we have failed to cast our usual withering scorn on the news that Reuters has assigned a full-time reporter to Second Life, the alternative universe in which people can live out their dreams of being a furry penis.
Or something like that. Perhaps we misunderstood.
We do like to keep you happy, and as you know would ordinarily leap upon something like this and tear small strips from it with our vulturey beaks.
But, gentle readers, some things are beyond parody.
Accordingly, we shall make no further mention of the poor Reuters hack, not even to wonder what on Earth he must have done to upset his masters so much that they felt the need to assign him to cover the Second Lifers. The poor man has even had to change his name from Adam Pasick to Adam Reuter. Surely a punishment even worse than being sent to write obituaries in Crewe.
(His rather uninformative calendar can be found here.)
Nor shall we spend any time speculating about how long it will be before Second Life spawns its own PR community, dedicated to fattening up the Reuters hack's avatar with such frequent and extended lunches he is unable to actually file any copy.
Instead, we will reassure you that this news has had us shouting at our screens all day. So far, our best suggestion is that the Associated Press should buy Second Life.
Still, you may be interested to know that Second Life already has its own newspaper, the incomprehensible Second Life Herald, whose Pixeleen Mistral broke the news of Adam's appointment here.
Meanwhile, fawning Second Life publicist Daniel Terdiman has convinced his employer CNET to create a virtual TV station in Sadville, er Second Life. Terdiman, who boasts a reference from Linden Labs CEO Phil Roseville on his resume, explained that his management had been slow to "get" Second Life at first, but his obsessive coverage (four stories in the first few weeks on the job) had browbeaten them into it.
Clearly, Reuters has done such a good job holding our corporate and state deceivers to account, it's declared the job done, and can safely move onto trivia. And furry dicks. ®