419er massacres English language

Lads from Lagos provoke grammatical carnage

We're very much obliged to reader Robin Strong who has provided proof that just when we thought the Lads from Lagos had finally rustled up enough cash for a decent English grammar guide, someone from the MARIAM ABACHA 419er old school went and undid all that linguistic progress in one, magnificent missive. Read on in wonder:

Subject: From West African Monitoring Institution
Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2006 02:25:13 +0100
From: West African <[e-mail]>
Reply-To: From West African Monitoring Institution <[e-mail]>

Value Attn.

I resumed duty recently as policy harmonization chairman on public debt a committee set up by West African Monitoring Institution (WAMI) under the able presidency, my office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and financial institutions here in Africa that is to tell you that I am committed to upholding and defending the constitution and laws of West African Monitoring Institution as well as achieving a higher level of public safety and security through the prosecution of criminals in the state.

The purpose of the committee among other is to investigate, verify and settle all outstanding total pending payment owned to citizens and foreigners with maximum security. And records before me has revealed that your payment has not been effected as a result of official negligence as your fund has been identified either as ghost file, UNCLAIMED DEPOSITS/INHERITANCE PAYMENT, AWARD WINING AND OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT PAYMENT ETC ;this is due to many abnormalities had happened in the institutions where some top official of the apex institutions are interested in your payment and they collaborate with impostors who are carrying a fake portfolios with levies misled and misguided about the position of your fund and having the opportunity to extort money from you that made it too longer up till date that explains why you receive different kinds of untrue emails and phone call from different people everyday.

Due to the prevailing situation worldwide on cash movement and transfer of Hugh sum of money, we have decided to use this opportunity to compensate the entire victim who some Africa has duped with $700,000.00 .this money will be sent a great deal less than a money wire service would via diplomatic money transfer service along with all documentations that has to do with the origin of the funds in other to exonerate you from any form of investigations or interrogation .

For the immediate take off and simultaneous clear up discrepancy in your file, it is obligate under the agreement which is regulating this transfer that you confirm your full Name, your Complete Address, and telephone number to this E-mail: ([e-mail]) also you will pay $300 only to enable us automate your information on the transfer script so as to legitimately effect the transfer to your position .the requested information is to ensure that no mistake or error is made. on the confirmation of your information , we will advice you to who you will send the money across to so as to enable us finalise this transfer.

Waiting your gently reply to enable us proceed.

Best regards,
Dr Aliu Abba
Tell 22508057531

Terrific. We doubt that "this money will be sent a great deal less than a money wire service would via diplomatic money transfer service" will ever be bettered. Well done that man. ®