A Michigan University frat house will throw out two couches tainted by a mystery masturbating female intruder who used the furniture for an extended public self-pleasuring session, The Michigan Daily reports.
The woman in question simply walked into Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house "without permission" last Thursday, "entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating", according to shaken frat president Dan Nye.
Shocked frat members "asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour". When pressed as to whether she felt ok, the beaver-petting stranger "casually replied that she was fine" and even made a quick call on her mobile phone while tickling the taco.
Frat members eventually called police, who arrived just after the bushwhacking stranger had made good her escape "wearing only a thigh-length black coat". The subsequent police report said the woman had told witneses she was called Melissa and was a student at Eastern Michigan University. She "appeared to be under the influence of drugs", the report notes.
Nye concluded: "Obviously, she was very disturbed. It was not how a normal person would respond to people." ®
No one is quite sure just how "Melissa" got into Pi Kappa Alpha's premises, but Nye rather brilliantly said "she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired".