Orange doles out an IOU to Christian pareidolians

While monitored by EU police

Letters Iran, the US of A, and WMDs. If there are any subjects guaranteed to garner a response from you lot, they'd be up there. This time, it was the flame of the week that got you fired up:

I really shouldn't respond to a FoTW, but:

"As I watch England turn into a quivering pile of dung, like their marines and sailors are supposed to dhow what you are made of, all I can do is laugh, you deserve it. The good news is you be in range before us.

BTW: It took the US three years to design and deploy our first nuke, the nth country experiment is something you may want to read about in your drunken stupor."

A couple of points:

1) The UK has been in range of city-destroying nukes since the 1950s. We still are. Ho hum. I still seem to be not radioactive dust blowing in the breeze, so that'll do.

[1a) And don't you *dare* sneer at the behaviour of someone captured in what's effectively a war zone by a culture that is alien to and mistrustful of you and your culture - have you no idea how terrifying that must be?]

2) The US did not develop nukes on its own and the US-based nuke-making project took nearer six years, not three - the work started in 1939. The first nukes were developed by a US-run project as part of an international collaboration of international scientists and engineers, and if it hadn't been for the isotope separation work in the UK (where the method that worked was developed; since replaced by gas centrifuges), the Manhattan Project wouldn't have been able to pull it off.

Consider, for example: if it hadn't been for Meitner and Hahn's pioneering work on nuclear fission, the Manhattan Project would never have got started - both were German, and Hahn worked on the German[1] nuclear energy programme! There are a lot of other points like that - it was an Italian (Enrico Fermi) who built the first nuclear reactor, for example.

And how come the Manhattan Project got started? Well, a bunch of Hungarians persuaded Einstein (German) to sign a letter to El Presidente (F.D. Roosevelt), didn't they? Leó Szilárd, Edward Teller, and Eugene Wigner.

It was a massive international effort to build a nuclear weapon before Hitler got one. Many of those on the project were very happy when Germany surrendered, and utterly appalled when they found out that the bombs were going to be used - mostly with the aim of giving the USA overwhelming influence over the rest of the world.

The US government promised to share its nuclear weapons information with its allies, those who had helped it develop its nuclear weapons, but broke that promise when the war was over.

When Britain exploded its own H bomb, the Yanks thought better of this (their plan to make sure that Britain couldn't have thermonuclear weaponry hadn't worked) and decided that it'd actually be in the best interests of the USA to work with Britain on nukes. Well, durr, yeah...

Interestingly, the *reason* Britain went to the extraordinary expense of developing thermonuclear weapons was because US foreign policy at the time worked on the lines of `We can do what the hell we like because we've got monster nukes, no-one else has, so screw you', with added rudeness. This attitude enraged the British foreign secretary so much that he insisted that the money be found from somewhere to build thermonuclear weapons - `I'm not having any other foreign secretary spoken to like that' was what he said. Quite a lot of the British government didn't want to spend the money, but he insisted.

If the US government hadn't been behaving like a spoilt brat and a brainless bully, the world would be a safer place. Nothing much seems to have changed since the 1950s, does it?

What I want to know is this: why can't the US people elect one of the majority of decent folk who live there to run the bloody country?


[1] Only one of the scientists involved was a Nazi AFAIK - and he was the crap one.

This is all an interesting saga. And one I don't believe has been properly analysed as yet by the media. If Iran get hold of a nuke what will happen? Will the drop it on Israel, or give it to some terrorist to ship over to NY and vapourise Wall Street? The answer to both those question is no. If Iran dropped a nuke on Israel, they would get 10 back. Similarly with the US or UK. And nuclear weapons can't be handed off to terrorists with the same impunity that conventional weapons can. After a nuclear explosion analysis of the trace heavy metals in the fallout tells you without any doubt which reactor and when the nuclear materials were made. This is as sure as a fingerprint. So you can't hand the weapons over to a terrorist and expect to get away with it - expect large retaliation.

The reason that Iran want nuclear weapons is because they don't want the USA to invade them. As soon as a country goes nuclear the options to the US are reduced - it is hard to invade a country that can vapourise hundreds of thousands of your troops. What the US is trying to avoid is a cold war style arms race in the middle east with large quantities of the world's oil sat in the middle. Especially since you have 3 sides to it, which always help to destabilise things. Israel on one side, no oil, but lots of US support. The Sunni on another side with the most oil, and like the US. The Shi'ite on the last side, with lots of oil, and an abject dislike of the US.

Some people might argue against my conclusions. But the North Koreans have had nukes for quite a while now, and they have yet to vapourise the south, or the carrier battle groups near the Korean Peninsula. But the US isn't talking as much about invading them any more - since crossing the DMZ would certainly involve large scale vapourisation for US troops.

Yup... it's called being 'Americanised'


I wish we'd just join Europe properly or declare ourselves a state of the USA so I at least know to emigrate...

As a Briton reallocated to the Colonies, I feel myself forced to speak on behalf of my esteemed countryman, and confirm that indeed all you Brits are spineless liberals, quivering in fear as the terrorist army of Saddam Hussein – the adopted perpetrator of 9/11 - marches ever forward to your shores.

Unlike the brave and the free you don’t even torture innocents just in case they're terrorists. But let me tell you, the spirit of WWII is alive and well in THIS country – and our bravery in the field has yielded definite results.

No longer will dangerous children attempt to board airplanes with fully armed Action Men, no longer will the terrorist citizenry of this country attempt to make phone calls or send emails under the illusion of privacy. We are watching everyone, because although we are fighting them over there to stop them from coming here, we are contradictorily convinced that Hezbollah** have replaced every AT&T customer with agents of destruction, ready to receive the nuclear arsenal the Iranians are building for them.

We have bravely and steadfastly taken the War On Terror(tm*) to the insurgents Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. No longer will their evil manifesto, this so-called Constitution infect our society, turning it against the brave men and women of the Administration.

No - you quiver in fear, clinging to your terrorist supporting "human rights" instead of bravely suspecting everyone that moves is a terrorist and courageously spying on them.

Instead of heroically locking them up without charges indefinitely, fearlessly removing their right to habeas corpus, stoically making it illegal for them to declare their rights under the Geneva Conventions have been violated, valiantly allowing hearsay and testimony gained by torture to be used against them in a court of law - no instead of that, you cowards are just letting your own citizens of middle eastern ethnicity to walk around freely as if they weren't about to kill you all in a nuclear jihad against all that's good, decent and American.

This is what comes of being Godless, believing in Global Warming, Evolution and the Earth is round.

*The War On Terror is protected under international copyright laws, proceeds and profits to be sent directly as either cash to Halliburton Corp., USA - or by personal cheque made out to VP D. Cheney Esq., care of Enron Corp., USA.

Europe's police forces want to share all your data, but the current plan attacks a person's fundamental rights. Sigh. Haven't we heard this before?

Isn't it odd: when it comes to protecting the citizen, lowest common denominator is the only stance with an acceptable chance of working. However, when it comes to, say, software patents or copyright punishments, the high-water-mark legislation is sometimes not high enoug...

Biometrics seem to be the curse of the new generation. So much so, the Home Secretary's even mooted fingerprint activated iPods - in the interests of security, of course:

Another day in the life of New Labour and yet another lunatic scheme by the Home Office.

Sony, Apple and the other manufacturers won't put biometrics on their music players because they know the readers and their software are unreliable.

Every time a bioPod fails to read a fingerprint the user will damn Apple a little bit more, they tell their friends, register, post video of the pocket-sized disaster on YouTube, have a family-friendly rant on 'Watchdog' - you name it. Apple, Sony and the others would have to engage in non-stop damage control to stop their reputations going down the pan along with their share prices.

Meanwhile the person to blame, everyone's favourite former Marxist Home Secretary, won't be seen or heard. Which, on second thought, would be nice.

Next week from the Ministry of the Interior R&D division. 'Are you afraid that the cat food *YOU* pay for is being eaten by *YOUR* cat and not evil immigrant cats from Eastern Europe?'

John Reid announces Home Office certified biometric cat flaps.

Well put that man there.

Mine's called a PIN. I believe most mobiles support it.

Regards, Mike

Run out of money on your pre-pay mobile? Orange wants to lend you a helping hand with a £2.50 overdraft...that'll only cost you £1...bargain?

Even as a one-off, that is an outrageous ammount of money for £2.50 of credit. The nearest service that has this model, that I can think of, is the pre-pay electricity meter, where you have a tenner of emergency credit, before you have to top up the key. The difference is that the electricity companies don't charge for the privilige (except for higher costs of energy, which is effectively what is happening in a pre-pay phone) I wonder what the FSA have to say about this?

If you're in the UK it's time to take hold of your democratic powers and cast your vote in the local elections....unless you don't care. That, or you decide to sell your vote on eBay instead:

I give him about half an hour of laughing at his wizzard wheeze, before the rozzers come round and explain (by way of pressing charges) that electoral fraud isn't that funny.

If you don't want to vote, don't, people have fought for you to have that right. Just don't bitch about anything that has anything to do with politics, because you haven't bothered to have your say.

As any good Catholic knows, the Lord reveals himself in mysterious ways. But why he'd choose to show his divine mug in a cloud above Mt Sinai is anyone's guess:

Please don't pander to these Christian Fundamentalist nutters. We all know they need a life and only joined the Church because it was their only hope of ever having sex with someone they are not related to. What I see is a Mutant Ninja Death Slug loitering over Mt Sinai with intent to SLIME!!

Personally I see God every single day. Well, he drives his BMW as if he was God and as if nobody else matters so I guess he must be God.

I did a poo yesterday and looked even more like the messiah (not that I usually look at poo), I could almost hear it saying "glaghchathgluch" as swirled round when i flushed it.

But if anyone really cares I can garuntee that somewhere in this great country of ours a there is a dog-toffee that looks just like christ, and a buddha, and edwina curry - you just have to look for it. Perhaps you could organise a 'christian study a poo' day where any avid christy's can hunt for a religous looking turd - hallitosis, praise be, and god bles ya mate

Sarah Bellum


And that's it folks. You only have yourselves to blame. Get writing. ®

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