ElReg40™ seeks the world's worst web 2.0 ideas

How hard can you blow?


Competition Readers who live on planet Earth may have failed to notice it but the white hot, bleeding edge, ground zero of web 2.0 imagineering this week was the TechCrunch40 conference in San Francisco.

Thankfully for us, The Guardian had its finger on the pulse, and had the editorial imagination to publish 8,000 words about the best and most exciting tech start-up ideas being demonstrated by a camarilla of massive-brained visionaries. At time of writing, the 17 blog entries carry 17 comments (μ = 1).

It's journalism 2.0 in action. There's a disintermediating Twitter feed too (most recent entry: "Sometimes you have those moments that make you think it really isn't worth it").

So, in the spirit of web 2.0, we've decided to copy the TechCrunch40 idea...only change it a teensy little bit. We want to know the worst web 2.0 business you can possibly imagine.

To be considered for ElReg40™, your young company will need a daft name and a short description that sums up how it's going to change the universe. If two or three sentences can't explain the deep awesomeness of your plan, then it won't generate the child-like wonderment we're looking for.

As an example, here's a real pitch from something called Kaltura, which apparently won the People's Choice award at TechCrunch40:

We have developed a revolutionary concept in peer production and online rich media. Think of it as YouTube meets Wikipedia...the result equals: online group video making - Kaltura.

Ain't she special? We can smell IPO.

To get you started, here are some words you might want to throw in the mixer: Ajax, rich, peer, flash, social, powered, meme, gadget, widget, wiki, wikiwidget, Facebook, Faceblook, content, lifestyle, media, group, paradigm, monetise, targeted, engagement, user-generated, folksonomy, mobile, 2.0, 3.0, 3.141, crowd-sourcing, MC Hammer, digitivity, mash, feed, sausage, beans. And if you're struggling with a name, try this.

It's just so easy.

Lambee: a virtual meme-powered flash engagement mash. Think VMWare meets Yahoo! Answers on acid.

Nonsense clearly, but we're sure you can do better than us. Go wild and send your entries here. We'll post the best worst 40 (or we might halve it to 20, or double it to 80 if we feel like it) in a glitzy extravaganza of HTML-formatted text-based publishing next week.

The winner of this prestigious contest gets our one-off "Jemima Kiss of Death" statuette, hand-carved by blind craftsmen in the Google data mines from 100 per cent stardust (it's what web 2.0 is made of, people), a $50,000 dollar sub-prime mortgage in seed funding, and a pair of concrete boots for when it goes titsup. Oh, and a Reg goodie bag.

Happy paradigm shifting. The only limit, apart from the three sentences thing, is how far you dare to dream. ®

Disclaimer: All your start-up idea are belong to us.


Other stories you might like

  • Battlefield 2042: Please don't be the death knell of the franchise, please don't be the death knell of the franchise

    Another terrible launch, but DICE is already working on improvements

    The RPG Greetings, traveller, and welcome back to The Register Plays Games, our monthly gaming column. Since the last edition on New World, we hit level cap and the "endgame". Around this time, item duping exploits became rife and every attempt Amazon Games made to fix it just broke something else. The post-level 60 "watermark" system for gear drops is also infuriating and tedious, but not something we were able to address in the column. So bear these things in mind if you were ever tempted. On that note, it's time to look at another newly released shit show – Battlefield 2042.

    I wanted to love Battlefield 2042, I really did. After the bum note of the first-person shooter (FPS) franchise's return to Second World War theatres with Battlefield V (2018), I stupidly assumed the next entry from EA-owned Swedish developer DICE would be a return to form. I was wrong.

    The multiplayer military FPS market is dominated by two forces: Activision's Call of Duty (COD) series and EA's Battlefield. Fans of each franchise are loyal to the point of zealotry with little crossover between player bases. Here's where I stand: COD jumped the shark with Modern Warfare 2 in 2009. It's flip-flopped from WW2 to present-day combat and back again, tried sci-fi, and even the Battle Royale trend with the free-to-play Call of Duty: Warzone (2020), which has been thoroughly ruined by hackers and developer inaction.

    Continue reading
  • American diplomats' iPhones reportedly compromised by NSO Group intrusion software

    Reuters claims nine State Department employees outside the US had their devices hacked

    The Apple iPhones of at least nine US State Department officials were compromised by an unidentified entity using NSO Group's Pegasus spyware, according to a report published Friday by Reuters.

    NSO Group in an email to The Register said it has blocked an unnamed customers' access to its system upon receiving an inquiry about the incident but has yet to confirm whether its software was involved.

    "Once the inquiry was received, and before any investigation under our compliance policy, we have decided to immediately terminate relevant customers’ access to the system, due to the severity of the allegations," an NSO spokesperson told The Register in an email. "To this point, we haven’t received any information nor the phone numbers, nor any indication that NSO’s tools were used in this case."

    Continue reading
  • Utility biz Delta-Montrose Electric Association loses billing capability and two decades of records after cyber attack

    All together now - R, A, N, S, O...

    A US utility company based in Colorado was hit by a ransomware attack in November that wiped out two decades' worth of records and knocked out billing systems that won't be restored until next week at the earliest.

    The attack was detailed by the Delta-Montrose Electric Association (DMEA) in a post on its website explaining that current customers won't be penalised for being unable to pay their bills because of the incident.

    "We are a victim of a malicious cyber security attack. In the middle of an investigation, that is as far as I’m willing to go," DMEA chief exec Alyssa Clemsen Roberts told a public board meeting, as reported by a local paper.

    Continue reading

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021