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back to article Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Well, as you can see here, our big Paris Hilton headline competition provoked a bit of a stampede among Reg commentators keen to contribute their bit to the advancement of Vulture Central's award-winning non-IT-related coverage. For the record, the headline and intro you now see are a composite of the best on offer as chosen …

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  1. FelixReg

    Headline

    Rwanda Mourns Loss of Paris Hilton

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  2. Andrew Moore
    Paris Hilton

    Swedish Chef

    Paris Hilton BORK BORK BORK

    sorry- first thing that came to mind

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  3. Matt Newman
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton deals Rwandan blow - job with japanese babes

    All because she was feeling empty inside

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton Big In Japan

    Nuff Said

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  5. Haku

    Well, here goes...

    Partier Paris Picks Posers, Chump Changes Charity

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  6. Duncan Hothersall
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton surprises no-one, gets coverage

    Sub-head:

    Priorities re-assessed, pointlessness re-affirmed

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  7. Nigel

    Surely its..

    Paris Hilton drops everything to leave twinkle in Jap's eye...

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  8. Craig Peters

    Headline!

    Hilton postpones Rwanda for one night in Tokyo.

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  9. Mikael Jensen
    Happy

    Paris Hilton does the Tokyo Universe

    Paris Hilton does the Tokyo Universe -

    Besides being a jailbird

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  10. Mark

    Paris Hilton, if you think you're hard enough

    Or are you going to disqualify me because you said that already without knowing it worked..?

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  11. Graham Jordan

    Still isn't dead

    Sub title : Satans minions delighted

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  12. randomtask
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton Eats Baby Seal

    "Thats Hot" she fumed as she asked for a glass of water!

    Underwear was nowhere to be seen.

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  13. BossHog
    Heart

    "Paris Hilton leaves Rwanda; Hits Japan; Misses Universe."

    Also, did anyone else misread a line in the article as the following:

    "[PH] was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

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  14. adnim

    Title..

    here's a couple

    Paris Hilton exposes her values.

    Paris Hilton leaves her mark, by pissing on Rwanda

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  15. A. Lewis
    Paris Hilton

    Oh well

    No point entering now.

    "Paris Hilton deals Rwandan blow - job with japanese babes" wins without a doubt!

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  16. David Lurie
    Thumb Up

    My two cents

    Paris Hilton receives honorary doctorate for services to mankind

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  17. simon ellis

    It can ONLY be

    "Paris Hilton Ate My Platoon" Says Dog Soldier.

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  18. Simon Westerby
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton Rwandas' off (again)

    I'll get my coat

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  19. Frank Bough
    IT Angle

    My Effort

    Paris Dies in Gutter, Pap Sells £1M Corpse Pic.

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  20. Alex
    Paris Hilton

    "Nipping it in the bud", claims Paris

    ...Sub Comment : "Rwanda breathes sigh of relief at exiting Paris"

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  21. Geoff Spick

    Paris Hilton: "Bring us sushi" demand starving Rwandan orphans

    or Paris chooses Bullet train over bullets

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  22. Keith Martin
    IT Angle

    Paris Hilton Drops Tutsis for Titsies

    Self explanatory, I hope.

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  23. Scott

    Paris Titilates Rawandans, Engulfs Japanese.

    Japanese scientists clone Paris Hilton every Country on Earth to receive Goodwill Ambassador; )

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  24. Mike Hopkins

    Non topical

    Paris Hilton in African, Japanese Ménage à trois shocker! (No Video)

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  25. Jon Cowie
    Paris Hilton

    Paris abandons Rwanda to save Universe

    Paris abandons Rwanda to save Universe

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  26. Caleb Grant
    Happy

    Paris Hilton's tunnel closes for reburbishment

    News in that Paris Hilton's local metro stop is to close for refurbishment is in...

    http://www.hilton.co.uk/paris

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  27. Ben
    Paris Hilton

    Hutu and Tutsi United

    No Hilton in Kigali

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  28. James

    "Paris Hilton...

    ...remains someone I have no interest in reading stories about, least of all on The Register."

    And as a subheading you could have "Now in process: Less of the heiress"

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  29. Hans

    No title but . . .

    I just loved the line

    " the multi-talented heiress was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

    huh? What . . . did I misread it . . . ?

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  30. Lloyd
    Thumb Down

    Paris Hilton declared non entity

    Still gets publicity for being pointless vaccuous media whore.

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  32. Greg Button
    Alert

    Paris Hilton - 'Fingers up to Rwanda for quick thrill in Tokoyo'

    rarara

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  33. Huseyin Huseyin
    Paris Hilton

    Stupid Call-Girl Goes Far Eastern: Tits Instead of Orphans

    Sick Chix Nix Kids

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  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paris Hilton Pledges to Leave a Mark on the World !

    In other news; Dry-Cleaning shares up, Kleenex shares up, Hotel shares down.

    Sony to open new camcorder tape plant.

    2008 Internet speeds forecast to be slow.

    Yeah, too big for a headline but what the heck?

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  35. Torben Mogensen

    Paris Hilton to Miss Universe

    Subtitle: Feelings aren't reciprocated, through.

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  36. Shaun Vizer
    Paris Hilton

    A few:

    Paris crowns Japanese babes over Rwanda starving

    Paris prefers Japanese women to Rwandan

    Charity is hard but judging swimwear is harder! explains Paris

    Paris is airlifted to Japan escaping Rwanda!

    I can leave a bigger mark with Japanese babes than those in Rwanda, so says Paris

    Raw fish over dead cow!

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  37. jj

    Paris Hilton Polls Mori - No Comment

    My £0.02 worth

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  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paris Hilton Judges In Japan for the Sake of It

    Let's face it, she's probably only there for the rice wine.

    'ny

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  39. stuntman
    Happy

    here is your risky healine

    Paris Hilton Wares' Yellow, Dumps Brown

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  40. Gareth Potter
    Paris Hilton

    Paris Hilton Drops Everything For Fashion Election

    Ls and Rs not confused

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  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paris Hilton Checks Out Of Hotel Rwanda To Check Out Japanese Babes

    As above...

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  42. Geoff
    Go

    Paris Hilton dumps starving Rwandan's for starving blondes, who's skinnier?

    And more to the point, who's better educated? My moneys on the Rwandan's.

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  43. Neil

    Caring Paris Hilton Blows needy Rwandans prefering Asian babes

    Sex sex sex .... please

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  44. Ben W

    IT Girl needs SAT NAV!

    It takes a certain type of person to aim for Rwanda and hit japan!

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  45. srvr
    Paris Hilton

    A Dilettante's Dilema

    With the chosen definition of Dliettante of the day being:

    "A person who takes up an art, activity merely for amusement, esp. in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler."

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  46. Shakje

    Just for the hell of annoying some people...

    Paris Hilton Uses Leopard - Can't Play Warcraft

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  47. !!11oneeleven

    Headline's fine as it is

    No, really. The most important bits are there: The words Paris and Hilton. Everybody will remember the rest of the sentence as XXXXX anyway...

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  48. Ian Hunter

    Paris Hilton...

    Sucks Cocks For Baccy.

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  49. Henk

    Fill out the X's

    How about Paris Hilton DIE! DIE! DIE!.

    Has a subtle hint hidden in it.

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  50. Toby Green

    Paris Hilton "a far more deserving cause"

    Paris Hilton "a far more deserving cause"

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