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Alcohol enema bloke wins 2007 Darwin Award
Two bottles of sherry, the rest is history
The 2007 Darwin Award - created to "commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it" - has been claimed by the Texas man whose addiction to alcohol enemas eventually led to a fateful encounter with two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry.
The original citation reads:
When Tammy Jean (40) married Michael in Texas in 2002 little did she know that Michael (56) had a secret.
Michael was an alcoholic.
Not an ordinary alcoholic but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor....well, rectally.
The Texan machine shop operator couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth (apparently due to painful medical problems with his throat) so instead elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema.
Essentially the resultant effect was the same, however when the rest of us have had enough we simply stop drinking (or pass out), however when Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out), the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed.
Rather than dissuade Michael from ‘drinking’, Tammy assisted him in his pursuits… by supplying (in May 2004) not one but two 1.5 litre bottles of Sherry.
Michael was in for one hell of a party! More than 100 fluid ounces of sweet, sweet sherry….right up your old address!
Tammy performed her marital duties admirably, and ‘administered’ to her husbands every need. Unfortunately, when she awoke the next morning Michael was dead in the bed beside her.
A subsequent autopsy found that Michaels blood alcohol level was (wait for it..!!) 0.47% … 6 times the legal intoxication limit in Texas.
A worthy winner, joined on the podium by five runners-up including the loser of a "playing chicken with a train" prank, the chap who thought it was a good idea to demolish a barn by cutting away the roof support beams, the mole-electrocuting German (as covered on El Reg) and the couple who demonstrated exactly why it's a bad idea to have sex on a pyramid-shaped metal roof.
And finally, a fifth runner-up whose nomination has a rock-solid IT angle:
"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.