The internet's up sh*t creek, but at least we have aliens
No 'dwarven underlords' jokes, please
The title of the next Bond film - the second starring Daniel Craig - will be Quantum of Solace. The name was announced to a resounding chorus of "What the hell does that mean?" You had some ideas:
Sounds like a cross between a Harry Potter book and an Open University course module.
At least John Cleese will probably be wearing a lab coat.
Fantastic! Or possibly maybe not that fantastic - Quantum of Solace is up amongst my favourite short stories of the series, and I'll be interested to see how the Americans screw it up.
1. A quantity or amount.
1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.
surely that's a good title as it sums up Bond's need to recovering from the whole falling for and being betrayed by Vesper
knowing Bond, the form of this consolation will be in the form of hot birds, fast cars, cool gadgets and lots of explosions and heaps of dead bad guys
How the hell are they going to fit that into the opening credits song?
*waahhnnyyahnaahh* He's got a quantum of solace *wahhhnyyaaahnaahhh* And a googleplex of sanctimony *wwwaaahhhnyyaaahhhnaaah* He'll aspirate your apathy *wwwaaahhhnyyyaannaaah* With anaerobic dialysis *waaahhnnyyyaaanaahhh*
Nice. Getting rhymes is a bit tricky though.
He needs the quantum of solace
His name sure isn't Wallace
And if you don't watch out
He'll put you on a trellis
Which one of you bastards nicked my coat? It's the one with six different rip cords.
Question of Sport. That's what QoS stands for. Maybe Sue Barker can be M this time.
Swedish police investigating a series of thefts of valuables from coach cargo holds are questioning "people of limited stature" (as opposed to people of unlimited stature, such as Stretch Armstrong). Their suspicion is that dwarven folk are being smuggled aboard in bags and riffling through passengers' baggage. These pint-sized perps may think they're high and mighty, but sooner or later they'll be brought up short by the long arm of the law.
Nothing wrong with a little crime. They should get inch high private eye on the job. I can see the film now "zero vert crime"
I was going to suggest evacuating the cargo hold or flooding with CO, but flooding it with nitrous oxide would be funnier all round.
Nothing new under the sun - Dickens documented the use of children in crime in the 19th century (Oliver Twist, for example)! And I daresay it had been around for a while then.
Hire British baggage handlers..the little bastards will be too injured to do anything!
Perhaps the police have already drawn up a shortlist of gnome suspects.
Police announced this morning that notorious crimelord Snow White has been taken into custody. Ms White of Dwarf Cottage is known to be the leader of a seven strong gang of miscreants.
Ms White accused her step mother of trying to poison her four years ago, however the case was dropped due to a lack of evidence. It has been speculated that the resulting frustration may have been the motivating factor in her subsequent crimes.
I can hear their normal-sized accomplices accepting at the Crime Awards now.
"I'd like to thank the little people..."
As would I. They've helped me bash together another comments feature. Thank you, thank you...
Back next week. ®