An Ohio man has admitted to four felony counts of public indecency after a neighbour caught him on camera having sex with a picnic table, local news outfit WTOL11 reports.
Bellevue resident Art Price Jr, 40, molested the round metal table on four occasions "between the hours of 10:30 am and noon". A video of his last furniture liaison, on 14 March, provided police with hard evidence of Price's perversion.
Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."
While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, the fact that Price got down and dirty "in close proximity to a school" makes the outrage rather more serious. Johnson explained: "What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor."
Some neighbours are reportedly worried that Price's three school-age kids might take some stick if their school friends get wind of the scandal, although others are rather more concerned that he was released "on his own recognisance". One said: "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again - and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance."
Captain Johnson concluded: "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around." ®