A tourist enjoying Australia's Queensland had a close brush with death when a deadly brown snake attacked his todger as he took a roadside toilet break, the The Cairns Post reports.
The unnamed victim was last month around 300km northwest of Cairns when he crouched down to relieve himself, at which point the venomous reptile "slithered between his legs and lunged at his manhood".
While the assailant "beat a hasty retreat", the victim was left with a scratch on his wedding tackle and suffering from vomiting and abdominal pains. Cue the swift intervention of the emergency services, who wrapped the wound in plastic "in case poison had penetrated the skin".
Luckily, subsequent tests showed the animal didn't "envenomate" the shaken survivor, and the poor chap had only to spend a night recovering in hospital.
An ambulance spokesman described the man as "lucky", as well as "shocked and embarrassed". ®
The brown snake (Pseudonaja textilis) is rated the second most venemous land snake in the world after the Inland Taipan (Oxyuranus microlepidotus). The latter also an Oz resident, and its bite apparently contains enough venom to kill up to 100 humans.
By contrast, Latin America's feared Fer-de-lance (Bothrops atrox) could dispatch a mere two-six people with a single hit of venom, while the killing potential of the equally-menacing South American bushmaster (Lachesis muta) is disputed, but unlikely to match that of its Australian cousins.
Oh yes, and the first person to make a joke about the "Great Australian trouser snake" is banned from El Reg for a month.