An animal-loving New South Wales vegetarian has been shown why the only good porker is one sliced into rashers and shoved between two thick slices of bread after being held hostage in her home by an 80kg bald pig, the BBC reports.
Caroline Hayes, 63, recounted to Oz media: "It started knocking on my door at 4am, head-butting the door, [after] some food."
Having barged its way into the house, the animal then refused to leave. Hayes says she can't get the pugnacious porcine out of her Uki residence since it's "as big as a Shetland pony" and some what aggressive when in search of nosh.
Rangers from Murwillumbah Council duly attended the scene, but were unable to capture the beast since their pig-suppression cage was too small. They now intend to regroup, restrain the monster and dispatch him to a piggery.
Ranger Len Hing said: "I wouldn't like to see the pig go as a pet anywhere because he could become a potentially dangerous animal."
Ultimately, Hayes and other locals are to blame for the trotter-driven rampage, having previously fed the bald kidnapper they dubbed "Bruce". ®
A large bacon sarnie to Mike Plunkett for the tip-off.