Peaches Geldof's career as a magazine columnist may the shortest-lived in the history of hackery after her first piece for the website of fashion mag Nylon copped one of the severest shoeings theoretically possible before the sheer intensity of reader anger causes the entire internet to permanently implode.
Peaches recently decamped to New York with hubby Max Drummey, ostensibly to study at uni. Her journalistic debut begins: "The sun glows a burned orange as it sinks behind a skyscraper, a car horn screeches irritably, the wind whistles through the acres of willows in Central Park: New York, the most offbeat and eccentric city in America, is my new home."
Getting that sinking feeling? Try this for size: "My best friend here is a boy named Bunny. We spend our days traipsing around Manhattan—him in skin-tight plaid trousers, huge geek glasses, and a mass of red hair sticking out haphazardly from beneath an Amish-style hat. We buy pizza from street vendors, run through Times Square marvelling at its energy, and source new vintage boutiques."
Well, for her efforts, Peaches immediately attracted hundreds of comments, few of them complimentary and most now pulled by Nylon. One survivor of the editorial hate cull notes: "i think they were right to delete all the nasty, bitter comments that were based on no more than ignorant and irrational prejudige. however, the person who posted the word 'c*nt' 11,000 times made a valid point, one that was based upon sound reasoning and enlighted argument. i see no reason why that should have been censored."
The general consensus appears to be that Peaches should be dispatched back to the mother country asap, possibly in return for Paris Hilton - a girl who'd never be seen dead with a carrot-top sporting an Amish hat. She'd doubtless be welcomed home by "Kerry Katona", who simply asks: "Fancy a drink sometime?"
Amid the outraged comments, though, there is one analysis apparently by none other than AA Gill, which reads: "I have tried to read this article objectively and without bias, trying VERY hard to ignore that I know who wrote it. My first thought was 'Just what is the writer trying to tell us here?' and I don't have an answer.
"The piece meandered from one vague point to another. Half-stories with no focus and no final point. What were you trying to tell us, oh dear writer? Something about New York? Something about America? Something about yourself? The banality is shocking. I almost feel like this is an ironic piece.
"Contrary to what other people have written on here, I DO think you wrote it. Otherwise it is a work of inspired genius. I hope you heed the comments here. Perhaps go away for a while. Stop searching for limelight. Stop living in dreams and see now, now.
"Get some life experience, keep your head down until you do and save us from this insipid, vacuous social commentary that justifies the dislike of you. I read your interview in the Sunday Times. You claim that people give you a hard time because they don't understand you. Well Missy, I think they know you more than you think...."
Hmmm, sound advice, but we prefer these pointers for the powers that be at Nylon: "Deleting all the negative comments? Are you kidding me? Kind of like your letters section, eh? Bullshit. As others have said, unprofessional and lame. Um, just so you know, censorship is SO not trendy. And Nylon's all about trendy, right? Arghh I don't care who's on the cover (even Zooey Deschanel) I'm not buying this drivel anymore.
"Eds, you need to get your heads out of your asses, spend five minutes outside of Williamsburg/Silverlake/wherever the fuck you people hang out and tune into some culture that not full of shit. Peaches Geldof is not culture. No, she's not evil ... but she also doesn't deserve a column in a magazine to write poorly about nothing. Readers demonizing her is kind of inevitable when she demonstrates how to be wealthy, vapid, and out of touch. The entire magazine reeks of bullshit." ®