The Equalizer prowls Albert Square

Wicker man shocker for EastEnders?

Edward Woodward, aka The Equalizer*, Callan, and "The Summerisle Roast Virgin", is set to appear in EastEnders, the BBC reports.

The veteran thesp, who's still treading the boards at 78, will hit the small screen in March as Tommy Clifford for "a specific storyline involving Patrick Trueman which will run for several weeks".

EastEnders big cheese Diederick Santer teased: "On the surface, this is a warm, charming and engaging man but there are other much darker things going on."

The Beeb explains that Tommy "stealthily draws out details of Patrick's past for less than honourable reasons".

Those of you who are not great soap fans can only hope this involves a climactic ending with the cast, writers and producers consigned en masse to the wicker man. I for one would pay two years' licence fee to watch that, and no messing. ®

Bootnote

*A friend of mine had a theory that The Equalizer's trademark coat started at calf-length and grew an inch per episode until it reached the floor, at which point the series ended.

My memory's a bit bit hazy on that detail, but one thing I do recall is another of my mate's assertions: That any damsel in distress taken under The Equalizer's wing with the instruction "you'll be safe here, do not leave the apartment under any circumstances until I get back" was immediately struck with the irresistible desire to go outside for immediate capture by her persecutors.

Ah, they don't write 'em like that any more.