We're obliged to all of you who follow El Reg's world-beating improbable Swedish news for pointing us in the direction of the shock case of the Japanese pop pineapple who was over the weekend beaten and relieved of 20,000 kronor (£1,680-ish or ¥252,167) worth of camera kit.
No laughing matter, we know, and certainly not for Hideki Kaji, who's apparently notable for "a particular fondness for the Scandinavian countries", as Swedish rag Sydsvenskan put it, and was in Malmö on Saturday shooting a vid for his latest ditty.
He unwisely chose the "Kroksbäck area"* of the city for this contribution to international musical culture and "when the film team took a break and the cameramen left the site to photograph their children who had also accompanied the team [Kaji] was left to guard the equipment, dressed as a pineapple".
Mattias Attin of Malmö police confirmed: "Three men then walked towards him, beat him up and robbed him. He was hit so hard that he lost a filling. He then passed out."
Coppers as of yesterday had been "unable to apprehend anyone in connection with the attack".
In case you're wondering, Kaji's previous Nippo-Scandie fusions include: My Favourite Tofflor, Suddenly Sibylla and Ramlösa. We doubt if he'll be adding Rupert Holmes's legendary If You Like Pina [sic] Coladas to his repertoire in the near future. ®
*A mean streets barrio notorious for its aggressive attitude towards pineapples, guavas, jojobas and in fact anything not heavily featuring pickled herring and vodka. Exotic fruit imitators consider yourselves warned.
Oh yes, 15 minutes of fame to Mike Bonner for being one of those who tipped us off about the mashed Japanese pineapple. Keep 'em coming.