Abigail's Windows 7 Party

Cry if you want to

Cool for spotty cats

Now, heads up everybody and no more interruptions. As you will know if you had read your invite properly, Eric, I chose the Setting Up with Ease theme, so I'm going to start by installing Windows 7 Ultimate. But I won't be installing the ordinary version. Oh no. I talked my contact at Reading HQ into sending me something a little bit special, to make it even more of a party occasion. So I've got the Russian version here. How's your Cyrillic, Veronica? I seem to remember you did Eastern Europe Studies at Uni.

Verity, I don't want to be rude, but do you think you could switch off your phone and put it away? What? Oh, I didn't realise, I didn't hear it go off. From your sister? In the hospital? Poor Jenny! What? Oh I am sorry, of course it's Parity, I remember now. Darling, that's dreadful. Of course you must go to Parity. It's funny, because I thought you told me she had moved to Canada. Oh I see. What a frightful thing to happen on a flying visit. That's London for you. You must send her all our love. I'll see you out.

OK, here's your coat and, I shouldn't really give you a goody-bag since you didn't stay for the main Powerpoint presentation, but would you like to... No? Really? It's even got a Windows 7 mousepad shaped like Steve Ballmer's lightness-of-touch, just the thing to cheer up Parity? Fair enough, have it your way. Bye-bye darling. Thanks so much for coming, mwah! mwah! Hope your sis is better soon.

Hey Verity, you're going in the wrong direction - tube's back the other way. Oh really? Didn't realise there was a rank there. At least walking that way you'll get a closer look at those party lights. I wonder what they are supposed to be. What? A spotty, yellow cat in a white wig?

Don't be silly Verity. What could that possibly mean? ®

• Stob on The Reg
• Verity Stob book