The stage is set for an epic confrontation this weekend, as Christian evangelists and members of the Australian Sex Party go head to head on Mount Ainslie near Canberra.
The story began back in August, when radical Minister Danny Nalliah blogged about disturbing goings-on atop Mount Ainslie, at a site overlooking the Federal Parliament Building. Nalliah, who had previously claimed that a spate of bush fires were God’s vengeance for abortion laws, told how a friend had made a disturbing discovery on a school visit to this site.
He wrote: "One of the students, who was not a Christian, came up to my Pastor friend and said, 'there is blood all over the concrete slab under the tower'. This got the attention of many students and when they looked further, it was indeed fresh blood splattered all over the slab. The students were absolutely shocked as was my friend, who explained that it was some sort of sacrifice."
After consulting with a born-again tour guide, Nalliah’s friend determined that this was the result of witches’ covens carrying out sacrifices on the mountain top in an attempt to influence the policies of government.
Alarmed beyond belief, Nalliah declared war on the witches, satanists and assorted evil spirits involved. On 27 September, he called on all Christians to commence a 21-day period of fasting and abstinence. This would culminate on Saturday 17 October 2009 with "an offensive spiritual warfare attack on the demonic strongholds over the nation".
He wrote: "Christians from all over the nation will gather on top of Mount Ainsley in Canberra from 2pm to 5pm. We are calling a special afternoon of United Spiritual Warfare Prayer, Repentance, and Prophetic Worship."
It did look like one in the eye for the Satanists, until the Australian Sex Party - who are not at all impressed by Christian fundamentalist views on issues such as contraception, sex education and gay rights - decided to stick an oar in on behalf of constitutional rights.
They too will be up on Mount Ainslie this Saturday, to protest the influence that they consider radical religious groups are having on federal politics. According to Party Convenor Fiona Patten, the federal Parliamentary Privileges Committee should also attend the rally to ensure that MPs were not in any way threatened in the line of duty by the nature of what she described as an "exorcism".
She said: "The Privileges Committee has the power to sit while Parliament is in recess and we would strongly suggest that the Chair, George Brandis, should come up and mingle with the crowds.
"If a God-fearing member of Parliament is threatened with 'eternal damnation' for voting in favour of gay marriage, this is clearly as much of a contempt as any other threat to an MP."
In a tactic that may further inflame passions, the Sex Party has announced that its answer to the alleged blood sacrifices carried by witches’ covens is its very own "blood sacrifice in the form of a halel [sic] sausage and kofta ball sizzle".
They also intend to unveil a specially commissioned painting that deals with the issue of blood sacrifices, religious influence and the federal parliament.
Luckily for all concerned, Samhain (October 31) is still two weeks away. Otherwise, the resulting conflagration – involving fundamental Christians, Sex Party workers, and Satanists – could well be beyond the bounds even of our own Playmobil expert to illustrate. ®
A picture of the site of the alleged sacrifice was taken by Danny Nalliah, a slightly larger version of which is available on a special witchcraft edition of the Australian Sex Party newsletter. The object in question appears to be a large block of stone that has been heavily stained by some unspecified substance. Beyond claims made by the evangelists themselves, we are aware of no serious allegations of sacrifice or witchcraft being investigated by the local police.