Readers of the Daily Mail have fired up the Twat-O-Tron at the shock news that a Bromley woman found a Romanian living in her garden shed.
Now, we're not sure if Romanian shed-dwellers represent a greater threat to Middle England than their Lithuanian counterparts, but shaken 22-year-old Tilly Newman is determined that that her shed will in future be completely Romanian-free after police intervention was required to persuade her uninvited guest to shove off.
Newman discovered her tenant crashed on the garden furniture when she "went to spring clean her shed, which she hadn't used since January". She recounted: "He was just lying there quite happily and put two thumbs up at me when I opened the shed door and said 'Nice shed'. It was all very bizarre."
He told his landlady: "I have got nowhere to live and I have been here for a month."
Newman stressed the bizarreness of the encounter, adding: "He was drinking a carton of orange juice and then put it in the correct recycling box and it was quite bizarre, almost as if he lived there."
Indeed, the Romanian vagrant had made himself quite at home, as one neighbour explained: "We wondered who he was. We saw him a couple of times eating in the garden when the family were out and he said hello. He looked so at home we presumed he was a friend of the family and didn't say anything."
As soon as they rumbled him, Newman and her mum "took the man to a nearby police station where officers told her he was on bail for a public order offence". Cops ordered him "not to return to the shed", but he showed up again last Sunday. Police were "alerted" and he hasn't been seen since.
Newman, evidently unconvinced the Romanian shed menace has been neutralised, has now fitted a new lock on the outbuilding, and insisted: "I want the police to do more to stop him from coming back. I thought when we brought him to the police station that it would be the end of it. But he has come back and we are not having it anymore."
Quite right, agree Mail readers. Outraged of Cheltenham writes: "Thank you New Liarbore for the open gate policy on EU immigration only adopted by no more than 2 other members. This homeless immigrant-and others- should be directed to the address of the nearest New Liarbore minister for accommodation etc."
A vigilant "He who watches, UK - NOT EU !", meanwhile, chips in with: "She should be very careful here, she is in great danger of infringing his human rights to live in her shed, and the police could well arrest her for ' bad attitude against immigrants and seeking to destroy his lifestyle.
"He only needs to state now that he is a fundamental extremist, and the local council will give him permission to leave the shed and stay in the comfort of her spare bedroom and shw will have to cook for him, until he gets enough benefits to be able to buy a car and drive out for a meal."
The Mail has a picture of Newman and her shed in happier, immigrant-free times right here. ®