Tinfoil 'radiation shield' maternity wear hits 'Frisco

Fearmongers rebrand stench-buster fabric

It's actually intended for people who smell

OK, so wear a Belly Armor T-shirt, or drape yourself in multiple blankets. But you're still not out of the woods, actually: look up there in the corner of the ceiling! My God! The burglar-alarm MOTION DETECTOR is quite possibly BEAMING OUT DEADLY RAYS at 10.5 GHz - WELL OUTSIDE the tested band in which Belly Armor is known to work!

And OMG! There might be cops nearby using speed guns. The sky is full of satellites bathing the Earth in "radiation". Those criminal maniacs at the airport and in the military are beaming out radar all over the place. All these signals laugh at Belly Armor, so you'd still be really somewhat of a fool to spend up to $109 a pop on it even if there was any evidence at all that non-ionising low energy microwaves have any health effects whatsoever - which there isn't.

In fact you might still feel seriously ripped off even if low-power microwaves were dangerous (no) and silver fibre actually stopped all of them (no again). Silver fibre fabric is nothing new or special: it is mostly sold for its bacteria-killing properties. For instance if you suffer from stinky feet, some silver socks might help. If you like to get outdoors and shed some perspiration, plenty of sportswear companies offer silvery fabrics to quell the resulting personal odours. US Navy SEAL special-ops troops, often compelled to wear their uniforms continuously for long and sweaty periods in the field without washing, sometimes wear silver-fibre togs to prevent their garments rotting off their bodies.

If silver fibre is what you want, there's no need to pay a minimum of $60 for Belly Armor. You could get a nice silver pyjama top for under $40, or maybe find a silver sports top for even less.

But frankly, if you're the sort of person who is seriously considering the purchase of Belly Armor, you probably already own and wear a hat made of tinfoil. Why don't you simply wrap a length of trusty kitchen aluminium round your midsection, too? ®