Simply viewing Apple kit provokes religious euphoria

Fanboi brain scan backs Church of Jobs

A team of British neuroscientists has confirmed what IT atheists have known for years - that the brains of Jobsian cult members respond to the sight of Apple products in much the same way that religious believers respond to religious imagery.

In a recent BBC documentary, Secrets of the Superbrands (BBC iPlayer), the neuroscientists ran an MRI scan on the brain of Alex Brooks, the editor of World of Apple, who claims that the Jobsian cult is "definitely" on his mind 24 hours a day. They discovered that photos of things like the iPhone and the iPad make certain parts of his brain all tingly.

"We see quite an amount of changes in the brain when he's actually looking at Apple products, which is quite fascinating," explained professor Gemma Calvert, a neuroscientist at the University of Warwick. "There's much more activity in the visual cortex, an enhanced visual attention, if you like, to Apple products." Much the same thing occurs, she explained, when holy imagery is shown to religious zealots.

"This suggests that the big tech brands have harnessed, or exploit, the brain areas that have evolved to process religion,” she chillingly elaborated.

The study's test group extends to, well, a single person, but our own research indicates the finding can be extrapolated to every fanboi on earth.

In the interests of science, El Reg's San Francisco bureau this morning wrapped a portable MRI scanner around the brain of its very own Apple cult disciple, hopelessly addicted fanboi reporter Rik Myslewski. His grey matter responded to a selection of Apple products in much the same way that the average American responds to images of processed food and Charlie Sheen.

So there you have it. Apple is indeed a religion. Amen. ®