Microsoft has attempted to revive the fortunes of its ailing fondleslab Surface 2 with a comparative ad campaign that pits the blue tablet against the latest iPad.
In a pair of YouTube polemics, Redmond tells the world exactly what the iPad doesn't have: a kickstand, hands-free gestures and a way of monitoring your kids' online activities.
In typically uncool style, Microsoft reminds fanbois that the Surface 2 can be propped up so it can avoid splatter from food - something fanbois need to buy an extra accessory to achieve.
"Surface has great support for hands-free cooking. iPad doesn't," the ad says.
And rather than simply using a touchscreen, users can simply wave at the screen, if they don't mind looking like a bit of a wally. Of course, such a thing would be impossible with the iPad, though it can follow voice commands.
"As we all know," says a woman's voice in the Microsoft campaign, "keeping the kitchen quiet with a house full of family or guests can be quite the challenge."
Also, Microsoft touts the fact users can set up a number of separate accounts, a hoped-for feature of iOS 7 that never materialised.
The ad then describes how Surface allows parents to spy on their kids' activity, before showing a young hand pressing the "buy" button on the Apple app store. It didn't show the password request that pops up immediately afterwards.
Surface is the "one device for everything in your life", the ads conclude.
Apple has, typically, said nothing. But for the moment it doesn't need to. Redmond's fondleslab only boasts a 1.65 per cent market share compared to Apple's 27.4 per cent. ®