Drug-dealing game Weed Firm tops Apple's App Store charts

Nancy Botwin and Walter White wannabes invited to make some (virtual) cash


Apple has lifted its usual censorship firewall to allow a game simulation of a drug-pushing business called Weed Firm to shoot to number one in its App Store charts.

The sim-smoker app allows cosseted fanbois to imagine life as a herbal wholesaler. Players are invited to build contacts in the underworld, beef up their production line and punt ganja to a variety of ne'er-do-wells.

A stripper even offers the player a quick virtual lapdance in exchange for some cannabis, something we're sure pretty much never happens in the broadly male, rather wimpy world of the weed smoker.

Don't be scared of Weed Farm though, because the designers don't want you to get any ideas: "The creators of this game do not encourage the cultivation or use of cannabis. The plot of this game is solely a work of fiction and should be viewed only as such," its designers said.

Players who've offered reviews seem rather disappointed with the game, complaining that it's "boring" and that there isn't anything "interesting" to spend their money on.

"I found the whole idea of having an alien in the game very exciting until I actually unlocked it and it demanded all of my weed," one player wailed. "Customers are extremely repetitive and would be great if it had more. Instead of only growing/selling weed you could include more drugs such as cocaine and heroine. Also found the area very small and repetitive, with nothing to spend my money on most of the time. The lap dance is a great idea but actually it's really boring."

Way back in the day, Steve Jobs himself was known to have had the occasional toke (2012 FOI requests by Wired revealed) – although apparently the last time he partook was in 1977.

Meanwhile Apple is rumoured to be planning to hook up with apparent* weed advocate rapper Dr Dre. After a rumoured $3.2bn acquisition of his headphones company Beats, Apple is said to be mulling a senior role for the music firm's founder.

Dre's own firm appears to be based in Dublin after a move from Clonakilty in County Cork, Ireland, neither of which are far from Apple's own overseas base in the emerald isle.

Tax experts have suggested the fruity firm legally avoided $1bn off its overseas tax bill by setting up some of its ops there.

Perhaps the man who refers to himself as the mutha-fucking D.R.E is really worried about the mutha-fucking PAYE [er, you mean corporation tax, right? - Ed). ®

* Who can forget his collaboration with Snoop Dogg, "The Next Episode", which ends with the exhortation to "smoke weed every day" or "Kush" from his album Detox?

Similar topics


Other stories you might like

  • Venezuelan cardiologist charged with designing and selling ransomware
    If his surgery was as bad as his opsec, this chap has caused a lot of trouble

    The US Attorney’s Office has charged a 55-year-old cardiologist with creating and selling ransomware and profiting from revenue-share agreements with criminals who deployed his product.

    A complaint [PDF] filed on May 16th in the US District Court, Eastern District of New York, alleges that Moises Luis Zagala Gonzalez – aka “Nosophoros,” “Aesculapius” and “Nebuchadnezzar” – created a ransomware builder known as “Thanos”, and ransomware named “Jigsaw v. 2”.

    The self-taught coder and qualified cardiologist advertised the ransomware in dark corners of the web, then licensed it ransomware to crooks for either $500 or $800 a month. He also ran an affiliate network that offered the chance to run Thanos to build custom ransomware, in return for a share of profits.

    Continue reading
  • China reveals its top five sources of online fraud
    'Brushing' tops the list, as quantity of forbidden content continue to rise

    China’s Ministry of Public Security has revealed the five most prevalent types of fraud perpetrated online or by phone.

    The e-commerce scam known as “brushing” topped the list and accounted for around a third of all internet fraud activity in China. Brushing sees victims lured into making payment for goods that may not be delivered, or are only delivered after buyers are asked to perform several other online tasks that may include downloading dodgy apps and/or establishing e-commerce profiles. Victims can find themselves being asked to pay more than the original price for goods, or denied promised rebates.

    Brushing has also seen e-commerce providers send victims small items they never ordered, using profiles victims did not create or control. Dodgy vendors use that tactic to then write themselves glowing product reviews that increase their visibility on marketplace platforms.

    Continue reading
  • Oracle really does owe HPE $3b after Supreme Court snub
    Appeal petition as doomed as the Itanic chips at the heart of decade-long drama

    The US Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear Oracle's appeal to overturn a ruling ordering the IT giant to pay $3 billion in damages for violating a decades-old contract agreement.

    In June 2011, back when HPE had not yet split from HP, the biz sued Oracle for refusing to add Itanium support to its database software. HP alleged Big Red had violated a contract agreement by not doing so, though Oracle claimed it explicitly refused requests to support Intel's Itanium processors at the time.

    A lengthy legal battle ensued. Oracle was ordered to cough up $3 billion in damages in a jury trial, and appealed the decision all the way to the highest judges in America. Now, the Supreme Court has declined its petition.

    Continue reading

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022