Analyst firm Gartner has departed from its usual areas of expertise to issue advice on how to combat the Ebola virus.
The firm's advice, which it says it is offering for free because “issues of public safety deserve broad distribution in the public interest”.
The advice is so earnest that it almost sounds comical. For example, readers are told to “Assume an initial very high rate of worker absenteeism in the business location that has had the confirmed Ebola virus infected patient due to the fear of becoming infected themselves.”
Now that's some fancy analysing.
Deeper down, the document offers less-obvious insights, including the observation that now is probably a fine time to “Meet with the cleaning service used for each of your business locations” to make sure their hygiene practices are up to snuff, plus a recommendation to horde cleaning supplies ahead of possible bulk buys. There's also a suggestion to run an influenza vaccination program in your workplace, to reduce the chance of colleagues coming down with scarifying fevers.
The firm also suggests asking your suppliers how they'd handle Ebola and suggests you act as follows:
“Meet with your mission-critical suppliers to ensure that they have pandemic preparedness and response and crisis management plans in place. Knowing when and how they will contact your organization of their own Ebola virus outbreak and how that impacts your ability to deliver your products/services is critical to maintaining your business operations and meeting your business obligations.”
The advice also suggests you check the status of your “pandemic preparedness plan” by making sure the contact details of participants are up to date and redefining the triggers for a complete shutdown of your operations.
Indeed, the document is littered with tips on how to sustain your operations if the world goes down an Ebola-filled plug-hole.
Those include a suggestion to “... review your work-at-home/telework policy and procedures” and to “Test your VPN capacity for at least 60% of employees working from home.”
Sixty per cent? If there's even a hint of Ebola here at Vulture South, we're all OUTTA HERE! ®