Apple Watch? Bah humbug. Bonk to pay? Boring.
So what's the real Apple news today, you ask?
Well, the birthplace of one of world's most famous pieces of fruit is up for a prestigious award.
No, not the garage where Steve Jobs smoked joints and watched Woz the Great and Powerful build the first ever Apple computers. We're talking about the place where the notion of gravity was first conceived.
The apple of legend was the one that clobbered physicist Sir Isaac Newton on the noggin, which, according to the great man, led him to speculate about his eventual Theory of Gravitation.
This legendary Flower of Kent apple tree at Woolsthorpe Manor, Lincolnshire, has been placed on a list of Britain's top 10 trees.
A poll is now underway to decide which one we sentimental Brits love the best.
Old Knobbley the oak tree in Furze Hill, Essex is riding high in the public's affection and is currently favourite to win, according to the Woodland Trust, the leaf-loving organisation that organised the poll.
Jill Butler, an old tree specialist at the nature group, said: “Some of them really just jump out at you, you know them very well – the Ankerwycke yew [ancient yew near Wraysbury, Berkshire] is an absolutely astounding tree," she said.
"The Major Oak, and Old Knobbley, these are very, very well known and well-loved. Old Knobbley had the greatest number of nominations so it’s obviously a very popular tree in Essex."
“There are some that one would’ve expected, but some that are obviously well-loved in their villages, such as the Whiteleaved oak and the Ickwell oak," she said.
And to anyone who says the apple-bonk-on-the-head story is apocryphal... Go jump off something really high. You'll soon find out that at least one part of Newton's story is true. ®