Shaken members of a Cambridgeshire sports club have recounted a terrifying ordeal at the jaws of a rampaging fox.
According to an entertaining BBC report, the victims were confronted by the "vicious" creature as they attempted to leave Alconbury Sports and Social Club last Saturday night.
In the ensuing panic, chairman Bruce Staines was pursued around the car park, sustaining a "tweaked groin", a woman who tried to distract the small canine with food suffered a bitten hand, and a chap who attempted to escape on a bicycle "was chased into a field and fell off, losing his glasses in the process".
"He had to fend the fox off with his bicycle," Staines told the Beeb.
The fearful entourage were trapped inside the building for three hours as the creature circled his (or her) prey. Staines said: "None of us could get out. When we tried to use a side door, the fox heard and came haring round there."
Local pest control operative Graeme Brown attended the scene, but was also attacked and retreated to the safety of his car. He confessed he'd never met "such a forward and aggressive fox as this one".
The beast was "eventually caught and destroyed", the BBC says, although details are not forthcoming. Presumably, a heavily armed vulpine threat-suppression SWAT team riding a helicopter gunship was involved.
Brown said: "Leaving this fox was not an option. I have no doubt about that. It was active in the area of a play park and I would not be prepared to put children at risk." Alan Partridge himself couldn't have put it any better (last paragraph).
The BBC report brilliantly concluded: "Neither the Wildlife Trust nor RSPCA was prepared to comment on the behaviour of the fox, as their staff had not seen the animal." ®
A group calling itself the "Cambridge Hunt Saboteurs" suggests that the entire episode was some sort of sinister smear conspiracy against foxes, or perhaps against that particular fox. The unwashed malcontents tweeted that they had "just got off the phone with BBC Cambridgeshire, who have informed us that the club's CCTV is now 'not working', and they can't release the 'footage' they have of the fox 'chasing people and being aggressive'. Convenient.
"Also, the RSPCA and wildlife officers were NOT present – the members of the club called the 'pest controller' instead, who then ruthlessly killed the poor fox," the probable anarchists added. -Ed