A Thai chap's "morning routine of a shower and protracted bowel movement" was rudely interrupted earlier this week when a 4-metre python clamped its laughing gear round his todger as he squatted over the throne.
According to an eye-watering report by Khaosod English - (some pics quite possibly NSFW) - Atthaporn Boonmakchuay of Chachoengsao province, east of Bangkok, had just settled down to his "morning business" when the beast emerged from the crapper and latched onto the end of his penis.
While understandably screaming, the bleeding 38-year-old did have the presence of mind to call to his missus Sawittree Shooyoung to bring a rope, which he used to lash the serpent's head to the bathroom door. In an equally sensible move, he extracted his manhood by carefully unhinging the reptile's jaws, rather than "forcing it free and risking permanent damage to his self".
The victim was whisked to hospital apparently intact, while skilled operatives liberated the python from the bog by removing the entire toilet and smashing it with a hammer. The creature will be released into the wild, we're assured. ®