Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Redmond tries to prove it's cool to all ages and cultures – from hip-hop to hip op

This week, Microsoft tried to connect with college-age kids, and it did not go over particularly well.

An after-party invite sent out to interns in San Francisco tried its best to be cool, like fresh straight from the fridge daddy-o cool. The end result was predictable.

For those of you who haven't yet been completely infantilized by the modern-day Neverland that is Silicon Valley, and thus may be confused by the above email's apparent use of English, fear not. Your humble Reg hack has managed to decode the document and provide this handy translation:

Hey Bae intern <3

Greetings, young person who possibly lives in a box.

Hi, I am Kim, a Microsoft university recruiter

Hello, again, I am Kim, formerly a Microsoft university recruiter.

My crew is coming down from our HQ in Seattle and would like to hang with you and the crowd of Bay Area interns at Internapalooza on 7/11

We will be in town next week. Cancel your other plans.

But more importantly we're throwing an exclusive after party the night of the event at our San Francisco office and you're invited.

You'll be working that night.

There will be hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats

We will feed you and get you drunk, though, while popular music with a strong electronic rhythm plays deafeningly all around you.

and just like last year, we're breaking out the Yammer beer pong table

You'll be spending time with the kind of people who still think beer pong and Yammer are worthwhile distractions from the mountains of student debt you'll be paying off for years.

Hell yes to getting lit on a Monday night!

We approve of work-night alcohol consumption: we will be singlehandedly responsible for a 500 per cent jump in Starbucks soy latte sales Tuesday morning.

A Microsoft spokesperson confirmed the invite is real, and is not made up for laughs:

The email was poorly worded and not in keeping with our values as a company. We are looking into how this occurred and will take appropriate steps to address it.

Well, that certainly needs no further explanation. ®

Similar topics

Broader topics

Other stories you might like

  • DuckDuckGo tries to explain why its browsers won't block some Microsoft web trackers
    Meanwhile, Tails 5.0 users told to stop what they're doing over Firefox flaw

    DuckDuckGo promises privacy to users of its Android, iOS browsers, and macOS browsers – yet it allows certain data to flow from third-party websites to Microsoft-owned services.

    Security researcher Zach Edwards recently conducted an audit of DuckDuckGo's mobile browsers and found that, contrary to expectations, they do not block Meta's Workplace domain, for example, from sending information to Microsoft's Bing and LinkedIn domains.

    Specifically, DuckDuckGo's software didn't stop Microsoft's trackers on the Workplace page from blabbing information about the user to Bing and LinkedIn for tailored advertising purposes. Other trackers, such as Google's, are blocked.

    Continue reading
  • Despite 'key' partnership with AWS, Meta taps up Microsoft Azure for AI work
    Someone got Zuck'd

    Meta’s AI business unit set up shop in Microsoft Azure this week and announced a strategic partnership it says will advance PyTorch development on the public cloud.

    The deal [PDF] will see Mark Zuckerberg’s umbrella company deploy machine-learning workloads on thousands of Nvidia GPUs running in Azure. While a win for Microsoft, the partnership calls in to question just how strong Meta’s commitment to Amazon Web Services (AWS) really is.

    Back in those long-gone days of December, Meta named AWS as its “key long-term strategic cloud provider." As part of that, Meta promised that if it bought any companies that used AWS, it would continue to support their use of Amazon's cloud, rather than force them off into its own private datacenters. The pact also included a vow to expand Meta’s consumption of Amazon’s cloud-based compute, storage, database, and security services.

    Continue reading
  • Atos pushes out HPC cloud services based on Nimbix tech
    Moore's Law got you down? Throw everything at the problem! Quantum, AI, cloud...

    IT services biz Atos has introduced a suite of cloud-based high-performance computing (HPC) services, based around technology gained from its purchase of cloud provider Nimbix last year.

    The Nimbix Supercomputing Suite is described by Atos as a set of flexible and secure HPC solutions available as a service. It includes access to HPC, AI, and quantum computing resources, according to the services company.

    In addition to the existing Nimbix HPC products, the updated portfolio includes a new federated supercomputing-as-a-service platform and a dedicated bare-metal service based on Atos BullSequana supercomputer hardware.

    Continue reading

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022