Cycling paramedics in epic rush to save patient who ate stale sandwich

Adrenaline-soaked exploits worthy of Hollywood

Cancel Independence 3 and put Episode VIII on hold. Hollywood need look no further than the London Ambulance Service’s Cycle Response Team for next year’s summer blockbuster, after its Twitter feed revealed the gritty reality of saving East London while balanced on two wheels.

The bike-based team revealed yesterday that its first call of the day was to check out a Stratford resident who was in near-hysterics after eating a stale sandwich the previous day.

(Yes, we’re thinking 28 Days Later meets the Lance Armstrong story meets Scooby Doo.)

The cycling crusaders rushed to the patient’s sick bed to check out the snack-scuppered citizen’s symptoms.

Unfortunately, there were none, but you know, better safe than sorry.

1st #999 call of the day to a patient who ate a stale sandwich yesterday. No symptoms today,wanted to be checked over.999 is for emergencies

— LAS Cycle Team (@LAS_CycleTeam) 10 July 2016

No sooner was the team out of there then they bravely saddled up again to attend a patient who had fallen off his own bike in an underpass – heroically dismissing fears that their own two-wheeled transport would leave them exposed to the very same dangers. (Yes, we’re thinking it’s a bit like that film where Stallone is a mountaineer too).

#StratfordCRU called to a patient who had fallen off his #MountainBike difficult access alot easier on #TwoWheels pic.twitter.com/9OB6O9zakA

— LAS Cycle Team (@LAS_CycleTeam) 10 July 2016

The adrenaline didn’t stop flowing, even as the team was wrapping up the day. A shock last minute call saw the cycle response team attending a patient whose link alarm had accidentally been set off. When the team burst in, the patient had already succumbed to watching Country File, but after our highly-trained heroes assessed the situation, they prescribed another nice cup of tea. (Mmm, struggling to find a headline comparison here. Something by Merchant Ivory, perhaps?)

Of course, these are just the cinematic highlights of a tough day in the inner city. There were less dramatic moments for our knobbly-wheeled crusaders, what with them helping out a elderly patient who had difficulty breathing, and an elderly gent with a history of collapsing.

“Still feeling faint and clammy” the tweet for this last read. Though it’s not clear if this refers to the patient or the bike-based paramedic.

As for us, after that little lot our heart’s pumping and our pupils are dilated. It could be all the excitement, although now we think of it, the Eggs Benedict we had for breakfast did taste slightly odd... ®