HP doorsteps Apple shoppers at the altar of dreams

Is our innovation stale, asks pres at PC giant? No 'f*****g way' says a shopper


HP Inc GPC '16 HP Inc has launched a new sales tactic to take on Apple - hijacking worshippers of expensive iThings as soon as they step outside the altar of dreams to compare Macs with its slim and light PCs.

Taking to the stage of the Global Partner Conference in Boston, Ron Coughlin, HP president of the Personal Systems division, did what execs do and talked up the revival at his firm.

"There were people who doubted us and those who said the HP innovation engine has lost its gas," he said.

“We announced the lightest, thinnest consumer commercial notebook… the world's thinnest detachable, we announced the world's first curved all-in-one. Is that an innovation engine where the engineers forgot the address of the HP garage?

Oh, and he also mentioned the “complete reinvention of the desktop and the truly breakthrough X3”.

It was in fact HP that admitted back in 2012 that innovation had stagnated across the classic PC industry, but hey, that’s yesterday’s chip wrapping, get with the programme.

Coughlin said in the last quarter it “outgrew” every rival, “we took - no, you took - three share points from Apple and we gained three share points. Awesome, awesome job.”

HP grew 1.8 per cent in Q2 to 12.28 million units in a market that shrank 5.2 per cent to 64.29 million. Apple declined 4.9 per cent to 4.55 million but whether that was directly caused by HP is a moot point.

Here are HP's latest Q3 results - make your own mind up if the company is firing on all cylinders. We think they were a mixed bag.

Drawing on the earlier acquisition of Samsung’s print biz and the new A3 copier devices, Coughlin said, “We have our own A3, but it is FA3. It’s not what you think, potty mouths. It is finally aggressively attacking Apple.

"Apple has been the defining brand for engineering amazing premium devices. Apple has defined premium design for decades. Even at HP, we treated Apple as an untouchable part of the market. My news for you today is that Apple is untouchable no more.

"Apple is leading design trends no more. Apple is leading in innovation no more. Apple is gaining share no more. Apple is growing no more. It’s HP which is gaining that share, it’s you gaining that share.”

Coughlin said he was aware that reseller fanbois and girls in the room may doubt his words, so he provided indelible proof, sort of.

“We went to a bastion of Apple loyalty, the Apple Store, [to talk to] people who had just bought an Apple device and showed them these beautiful [HP] devices."

Cue a select band of shoppers reacting with shock and awe at the shininess and lightness of HP’s flagship lines. One said when presented with one, “it’s much lighter than my Macbook” and when she found an HP badge on it, responded by saying “no fucking way”. Of course the F-word was beeped.

So, there you have it people: evidence. Real, real evidence from, er, a small group of consumers. HP will hope those people remember when they come to refresh their Macbooks in say, three or four years.

We sent an email to Alan in Apple’s PR function and will let you know if/when he gets back to us. History has shown that it is probably best to not hold your breath. ®

Similar topics


Other stories you might like

  • Lonestar plans to put datacenters in the Moon's lava tubes
    How? Founder tells The Register 'Robots… lots of robots'

    Imagine a future where racks of computer servers hum quietly in darkness below the surface of the Moon.

    Here is where some of the most important data is stored, to be left untouched for as long as can be. The idea sounds like something from science-fiction, but one startup that recently emerged from stealth is trying to turn it into a reality. Lonestar Data Holdings has a unique mission unlike any other cloud provider: to build datacenters on the Moon backing up the world's data.

    "It's inconceivable to me that we are keeping our most precious assets, our knowledge and our data, on Earth, where we're setting off bombs and burning things," Christopher Stott, founder and CEO of Lonestar, told The Register. "We need to put our assets in place off our planet, where we can keep it safe."

    Continue reading
  • Conti: Russian-backed rulers of Costa Rican hacktocracy?
    Also, Chinese IT admin jailed for deleting database, and the NSA promises no more backdoors

    In brief The notorious Russian-aligned Conti ransomware gang has upped the ante in its attack against Costa Rica, threatening to overthrow the government if it doesn't pay a $20 million ransom. 

    Costa Rican president Rodrigo Chaves said that the country is effectively at war with the gang, who in April infiltrated the government's computer systems, gaining a foothold in 27 agencies at various government levels. The US State Department has offered a $15 million reward leading to the capture of Conti's leaders, who it said have made more than $150 million from 1,000+ victims.

    Conti claimed this week that it has insiders in the Costa Rican government, the AP reported, warning that "We are determined to overthrow the government by means of a cyber attack, we have already shown you all the strength and power, you have introduced an emergency." 

    Continue reading
  • China-linked Twisted Panda caught spying on Russian defense R&D
    Because Beijing isn't above covert ops to accomplish its five-year goals

    Chinese cyberspies targeted two Russian defense institutes and possibly another research facility in Belarus, according to Check Point Research.

    The new campaign, dubbed Twisted Panda, is part of a larger, state-sponsored espionage operation that has been ongoing for several months, if not nearly a year, according to the security shop.

    In a technical analysis, the researchers detail the various malicious stages and payloads of the campaign that used sanctions-related phishing emails to attack Russian entities, which are part of the state-owned defense conglomerate Rostec Corporation.

    Continue reading
  • FTC signals crackdown on ed-tech harvesting kid's data
    Trade watchdog, and President, reminds that COPPA can ban ya

    The US Federal Trade Commission on Thursday said it intends to take action against educational technology companies that unlawfully collect data from children using online educational services.

    In a policy statement, the agency said, "Children should not have to needlessly hand over their data and forfeit their privacy in order to do their schoolwork or participate in remote learning, especially given the wide and increasing adoption of ed tech tools."

    The agency says it will scrutinize educational service providers to ensure that they are meeting their legal obligations under COPPA, the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act.

    Continue reading
  • Mysterious firm seeks to buy majority stake in Arm China
    Chinese joint venture's ousted CEO tries to hang on - who will get control?

    The saga surrounding Arm's joint venture in China just took another intriguing turn: a mysterious firm named Lotcap Group claims it has signed a letter of intent to buy a 51 percent stake in Arm China from existing investors in the country.

    In a Chinese-language press release posted Wednesday, Lotcap said it has formed a subsidiary, Lotcap Fund, to buy a majority stake in the joint venture. However, reporting by one newspaper suggested that the investment firm still needs the approval of one significant investor to gain 51 percent control of Arm China.

    The development comes a couple of weeks after Arm China said that its former CEO, Allen Wu, was refusing once again to step down from his position, despite the company's board voting in late April to replace Wu with two co-chief executives. SoftBank Group, which owns 49 percent of the Chinese venture, has been trying to unentangle Arm China from Wu as the Japanese tech investment giant plans for an initial public offering of the British parent company.

    Continue reading
  • SmartNICs power the cloud, are enterprise datacenters next?
    High pricing, lack of software make smartNICs a tough sell, despite offload potential

    SmartNICs have the potential to accelerate enterprise workloads, but don't expect to see them bring hyperscale-class efficiency to most datacenters anytime soon, ZK Research's Zeus Kerravala told The Register.

    SmartNICs are widely deployed in cloud and hyperscale datacenters as a means to offload input/output (I/O) intensive network, security, and storage operations from the CPU, freeing it up to run revenue generating tenant workloads. Some more advanced chips even offload the hypervisor to further separate the infrastructure management layer from the rest of the server.

    Despite relative success in the cloud and a flurry of innovation from the still-limited vendor SmartNIC ecosystem, including Mellanox (Nvidia), Intel, Marvell, and Xilinx (AMD), Kerravala argues that the use cases for enterprise datacenters are unlikely to resemble those of the major hyperscalers, at least in the near term.

    Continue reading

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022