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You're fired (into space)! Trump tops Martian ejaculation poll
Marissa Mayer or Katie Hopkins? Eenie meenie...
Donald Trump is Reg readers’ top candidate for firing to Mars according to a record poll result.
The Reg last week offered you the chance to get rid of that certain somebody in your life by electing them for passage one of Elon Musk’s rockets to the red rock.
Chances of coming back from that 55 million km trip? Not so much.
Not all of you may be eligible to vote for Trump in the US presidential election next month, but you certainly exercised your franchise when it came to Mars.
Republican motor-mouth Trump landed a record 808 votes, the single largest for any option in any Reg poll, for an individual they’d like pushed off world.
What would Trump say if he could receive your nomination. Or even cared. Or knew who you were?
“Mars has lost a massive amount of atmosphere. It’s really let itself go. It’s the worst.”
Second for getting pushed into the vacuum of space was Piers Morgan.
The sneering former tabloid editor said once he’d rather be hated than ignored by you, so his wish has been granted. In a normal poll, without the Trump factor, Morgan’s strong voting position would have landed him top spot on the launchpad.
Of course there are scientific pluses in sending either Trump or Morgan to Mars. As reader Nick Ryan noted in commends: “Sending Trump and Piers Morgan would be a remarkably efficient start to terraforming. After all, the atmosphere on Mars is rather thin and cold therefore adding a lot of hot air should be a good start.”
The down side: either might actually prosper and become Martian ruler.
Third in our poll was Marissa Mayer, chief executive of the cursed Yahoo!
Being chief of a firm that saw 500 million accounts hacked and built the tools for the National Security Agency and FBI to trawl though your emails weren’t enough for you. It was work-a-holic new mother Mayer’s decision to ban other Yahoo! parents (and non-parents) from working at home while using her position to bring her child to the office that got up many people's noses. But the big question - who should join Trump if there were another extra empty seat aboard Musk’s inaugural Mars mission? We left that up to you.
Those proposed: octogenarian newlywed Rupert Murdoch; shock tabloid writer Katie Hopkins; Trump’s rival Hillary Clinton; Brexit trio Nigel Farage, Michael Gove and Boris Johson; Republican hawk Donald Rumsfeld; and former British PM Tony Blair. ®