On-Call Welcome again to On-Call, which returns for 2017 with more tales of your fellow readers' experiences of horrible jobs at horrible times.
This week, a story of horrible bosses, from “Mike” who tells us he once worked for an investment fund that handled money in a very politically correct way for positively Saintly institutions that had no tolerance for earthly vices.
It was a tough gig to win: Mike says he endured an interview and vetting process that included disclosing all of his run-ins with authorities. “The one that goes so deep that it says you once got drunk when you where 17 and were escorted home by your local concerned beat officer.”
Despite the organisation's public stance and clientele, Mike says the culture was toxic. As toxic as the very fires of hell.
“IT support was almost non-existent due to one shouty individual that IT had nicknamed 'Mr TOWF', short for The Old Wank Face.”
Within days of arriving, Mike was asked to sort Mr TOWF's WiFi problem, because he'd inadvertently hit the function key to turn it off. Mike pointed this out, which earned a spray along the lines of “you must think you are some f**king clever pr*ck for sorting that, eh?”
Other workers, especially fund managers, were as rude or worse.
“My day would be destroyed within an hour of starting work with requests to 'get some IT c*nt in here to switch on my computer', constant abuse, refusal to follow any security standards and so on,” Mike said in his mail to On-Call.
After a couple of years of daily abuse, Mike and his fellow IT workers decided to act.
“We knew everything about every single one of these creatures' lives,” he told us. “Every one of them had something worth hiding. Going through the Active Directory Profile folders myself and two other IT guys assessed that about 70 per cent of the storage was used for porn, on a massive scale. And what sick and depraved porn it was!”
On-Call shan't ask Mike how he made that assessment, but will carry on with his story.
“We categorised the lot down to what should be reported to Scotland Yard, which movies and images should go to their ethically-sound clients and even what should be sent to the religious institutions for which they managed money.”
And then the IT team all resigned, each walking into Mr TOWF's office to hand over a resignation letter.
When Mike dropped his letter onto TOWF's desk it generated a comment along the lines of “F*cking ungrateful is what you lot are, after everything we have done for you. Go and f*ck off then.”
But then Mr TOWF noticed that Mike's resignation letter envelope was rather thicker than the others.
“Because it contains copies of emails to all of your clients, to the Obscene Publications Squad at Scotland Yard and to the religious institutions describing your conduct, plus that of your fellow directors and your staff.”
Mike continued: “Have a look at your own letter and then maybe at C:\Documents and Settings\[hisusername]\Confidential Trading\[fakefundname]\MOV-20051016.mov .. You know it? Its the one with the girl and the ponies. Don't worry about deleting the files - the backup tapes are stored offsite."
And off Mike went, never to darken the organisation's doors again.
He says he never heard from the authorities about the letters he sent, but did hear on the grapevine that the firm lost a lot of business, is now greatly diminished and lost its Saintly clients.
Do you have a tale of revenge to match Mike's? If so, click here to let me know and you might just end up in a future edition of On-Call. ®