We've read the Mueller report. Here's what you need to know: ██ ██ ███ ███████ █████ ███ ██ █████ ████████ █████

Trump predicted he was 'fucked' – but he hadn't reckoned on ██████████

█████████ got away with not answering questions

Mueller went to some effort to try to get the president to sit down for an in-person interview. It never happened. So he sent written questions instead. And when he got the answers, they were so useless that he sent more. And got more nonsense answers in response.

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Eventually, Mueller considered issuing █████████ with a subpoena but ultimately decided it wasn't worth it because it was take years of legal battles to make it happen and he already felt he had most of the information anyway from other sources.

All of this back-and-forth is at the end of the report (Appendix C) and so rather than getting a Nixon-style "I am not a crook" TV moment that would no doubt have been shared billions of times, there is a far less interesting series of written answers that actively avoided addressing many of the key questions and persistently clumped a long series of precise questions into a vague one-paragraph answer.

Almost every answer begins with one of two phrases. Either "I do not recall" or "I have no independent recollection." Which, whether you like it or not, and whether you believe █████████ or not, is the exact template that crooks use so they cannot be accused of outright lying. If some evidence does subsequently turn up that directly contradicts their testimony, well they never lied about it – they just didn't recall it.

The Steele Dossier and the ████-████ tapes

The infamous Steele Dossier which outlined a long series of worrying connections between the █████████ government and members of the █████████ Campaign – but which has become most known for its claim that there are video tapes of █████████ █████████ in a Moscow hotel room with prostitutes doing unspeakable things, better known as the ███-███ tapes – also get a mention.

We have yet to find a clear breakdown of every allegation/rumor in the dossier alongside whether it has turned out to be true or not. But the Mueller report digs into two key aspects and concludes that one was wrong.

█████████'s personal lawyer Michael Cohen did not go to Prague and meet with a member of the Russian government as the dossier claimed. In a related matter, somewhat surprisingly, Mueller concludes that the █████████ Campaign did not push a critical policy change regarding Ukraine at the request of the █████████ government, seemingly putting a spike through theories of a quid pro quo.

But on the other matter: Cohen did receive a text from Russian businessman █████████ Rtskhiladze that said: "Stopped flow of tapes from Russia but not sure if there’s anything else. Just so you know."

That text presented a golden opportunity for Mueller to look at whether █████████ had been compromised by the █████████ government. He would have feared that the tapes could leak and leave a nasty stain on his reputation, especially after he had been caught on tape boasting about women that he could "█████████ ███ ███████████████ pussy."

It's an intriguing piece of information that suggests, against all reasonable logic, that the ███-███ tapes may exist.

It's not over yet

It would be nice to imagine that the Mueller report can draw a line under two years of wild conjecture and fervent claims and counterclaims. But the sad fact is that Washington DC loves to confuse angry partisan denunciations and endless investigations with actually running a country.

Beyond what may be years of painful nonsense on the part of Congress however, there is some unfinished business – most of which has been █████████. The special counsel has made 14 referrals to other prosecutors from his work.

"During the course of the investigation, the Office periodically identified evidence of potential criminal activity that was outside the scope of the Special Counsel’s jurisdiction established by the Acting Attorney General. After consultation with the Office of the Deputy Attorney General, the Office referred that evidence to appropriate law enforcement authorities, principally other components of the Department of Justice and the FBI."

Two of them are visible in the report: prosecutions involving ███████'s former personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, and Gregory Craig, a White House counsel in the Obama administration. But 12 of the referrals remain secret.

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How much those ongoing cases accounting for the copious number of █████████ in the Mueller report, carried out by Attorney General Carr, we will have to see. It could well be that once those cases are over that the vast majority of the report is readily available to the American people.

At which point we should all be able to conclusively agree that the president of the United States is a █████████. ®