A chap from County Durham in northeast England is suffering a very specific mallardy – one of rubber ducks sent to his home address from Amazon with alarming regularity.
The Northern Echo reports that 76-year-old Peter Jackson has received a bathtime plaything "almost every day" for the better part of three weeks.
Among the mystery packages have also been cheese crackers and dog treats, which is fortunate because Jackson says he does own a dog, but the poor bloke hasn't the foggiest who is sending them or why.
Is there a stork-er in our midst? Amazon won't give up their identity because "customer confidentiality" yada yada. If only he could refuse to give his cygneture... but Jeff Bezos' etail monolith doesn't always work that way.
The offending toy can be purchased here.
Jackson told the Echo earlier this month: "It started about a fortnight ago, I received the two of these rubber ducks in the post.
"I thought nothing more of it, thought it was just a mistake with Amazon, then the next day another duck arrived, and they kept coming every day.
"I've now got a total of nine ducks – I don't even have a bath; I have got a walk-in shower.
"I don't really know what's going on."
Fast-forward to the weekend, and the case is yet to be quacked. The parcels continue, now with added messages like "For your boo boos xxx From Fake Doctor," and "DUCK, DUCK....QUACK From Goose."
The Register suspects Mr Jackson has left his details out in the open somewhere on the web and Echo readers have joined in on the fowl ruse. At £2.79 a pop, it's not an overly expensive prank, but we're not sure the bird-brained scheme is worth it.
"In the past week, I've had more rubber ducks, some Venison Chew Sticks for my dog and Scottish shortbread," he said. Waddle he do with the excess plastic? "I've been giving the ducks away to my son's wife, she has friends who have just had babies."
There have been suggestions that Jackson is the victim of a "brushing scam", where sellers create fake orders to boost their ratings and send the products to any old address. But Amazon denied that's what's happening, offering the Echo this poultry excuse:
"We have looked into the matter to ensure there is nothing webbed afoot. Mr Jackson is not going quackers, someone indeed is sending him rubber ducks. While we can't reveal the customers true feathers, we can assure Mr Jackson he will not be receiving a 'bill'."
Gawd, that's almost as bad as the rest of this article. The Reg contacted Amazon to confirm, and asked about the prevalence of such scams on the e-commerce site. ®