Search for 'things of value' in a bank: Iowa cops allege this bloke broke into one and decided on ... hand sanitiser

Plus: CDC still telling folks not to drink it

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Though the global coronavirus pandemic rests on a knife edge in many countries, some restrictions have been eased and folks are settling into the "new normal".

It was just four months ago that we were furiously punching our bog roll stocks into web calculators and NT News was boasting of its 8-page "special liftout" to help Aussies unable to find toilet paper in the shops – such was the extent of panic buying that followed lockdown.

Those people must all feel rather silly now because loo roll and hand sanitiser – the other apocalypse must-have – are both readily available in stores these days.

Someone should have told Iowa native Mark Gray, who is due in court later this month having been arrested on burglary charges.

The 39-year-old is accused of breaking into three businesses in Sioux City, one of which is a branch of Security National Bank.

A complaint filed in the state dated 4 August, brought to our attention by dumb crims site The Smoking Gun, alleges that Gray "used a tool to smash the glass door" at the bank. "The offender then entered into the lobby and stole the hand sanitizer."

"He then fled."

Interesting. Now, we could be wrong, but banks usually keep quite a lot of cash on hand, right? Much of it may well be sealed within large Hollywood vaults, but there'd probably be something behind the counter.

The arrest document went on to claim that later that morning, Gray broke into a restaurant "to search for things of value, specifically money in order to take it".

Far be it from us to suggest that an opportunity was missed here, but perhaps hand sanitiser remains highly sought after in some parts of the US. It seems doubtful, however, if you recall the NY Times article about the profiteering scumbag who bought 17,700 bottles of the stuff but ended up unable to sell any of it.

Still, you can't put a price on your health in this day and age. Just make sure you use it correctly.

Sadly, following President Donald Trump's frankly batshit-crazy suggestions that injecting disinfectant into the human body might treat COVID-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have this week reported back on several "serious adverse health events", including death, connected to Americans drinking (likely imported) hand sanitiser containing methanol.

The CDC pointed out: "Alcohol-based hand sanitizers should only contain ethanol or isopropanol."

Gray will appear in an Iowa district court on 14 August to face the charges. ®


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