Bass. Treble. Mid. Volume. Erm, footswitch and... 5G FREQ?! We've got it, people, we've found the top-secret diagram of the "COVID-19 5G chip" that Bill Gates is going to insert into our brains!
We imagine this is the thought process of conspiracy theorists who have misappropriated a schematic for Boss's legendary MT-2 Metal Zone as the active ingredient in the coronavirus vaccines rolling out, despite really quite tell-tale signs that it is, in fact, a guitar pedal.
Red Hat engineer (there's your IT angle) Mario Fusco took it upon himself to break the good news to COVID deniers.
Here in Italy people started to share this figure claiming that this is the diagram of the 5G chip that has been inserted in the covid vaccine.— Mario Fusco 🇪🇺 (@mariofusco) December 28, 2020
In reality it is the electric circuit of a guitar pedal and I believe that putting it in the covid vaccine has been an excellent idea💡 pic.twitter.com/qXKnv7VVly
"Excellent idea," hey? Well, it depends where you stand on the MT-2, which is one of the most loved and maligned pedals around. It's just too twiddly to settle on a balanced sound. Your correspondent remembers vividly the frustration of his prog metal bandmates as his amp filled the cattle shed where we practised with incessant hissing and feedback – a fact not lost on the Twitter commentariat.
"Trust me, that ain't curing anybody of anything, except maybe good tone," said one, adding: "Seriously though, what do these people think the 'footswitch' refers to?"
Bill Gates debunks 'coronavirus vaccine is my 5G mind control microchip implant' conspiracy theoryREAD MORE
This correspondent was an "everything to 11" kind of guy when he was 18, and in many ways still is.
So how do the covidiots explain the glaring references to audio terms in their theories? Accompanying text was said to claim: "The chip consists of only four processors and four transistors.
"The signal through the 5G network enters on the left on the INPUT. That's how they control you.
"The BASS and TREBLE controls adjust the instructions that can be heard in the head, every man is different and, depending on whether you are a woman or a man, can ask you to adjust the frequency."
OK then. Though it's true that the vaccine rollout could do with a rock 'n' roll injection, we'll give the crackpots that.
Meanwhile, the country has entered its second full lockdown so The Register would prescribe molten guitar leads to get you through yet another day that is exactly the same as the one before. ®