A school in Perth, Western Australia, has turned arbiter of fashion and declared something we all know deep down to be true – that the mullet is "not acceptable".
Trinity College, described by Rupert Murdoch's national News website as an "elite private boys' school", made the ruling in a recent newsletter.
The missive reportedly stated: "It is without reservation that the College sets clear requirements that ensure health and safety, as well as setting a high standard for personal presentation.
"The current trend of growing the hair at the back of the head and/or closely cropping the sides of the head to accentuate the 'mullet' style are untidy, non-conventional and not acceptable at Trinity College. As is the trend of long hair and fringes.
"The College expectations on hair styles can be found on Page 18 of the Student Diary."
The rules themselves say that student hairdos should be "of a conservative nature", cut above the collar, and not fall below their eyes. More unequivocally, they state: "Students are not permitted to have mullets, rat tails, top knots, mohawks, extra-long fringes, or any other non-conventional style cuts."
We hope that includes man buns.
Kids who don't meet the standards will be sent home and ordered to get a haircut.
The edict follows another "ban" in February at Sydney's Waverley College, where deputy principal Patrick Brennan told Australia's Daily Telegraph that "the 'mullet' haircut trending at present is not acceptable and students will be directed to the local barber or their preferred hair stylist to rectify any issues."
News.com.au reported that West Australian Premier Mark McGowan was moved to give his two cents on this matter of great national importance, outing himself as "very pro-mullet".
He continued: "It's a unique Australian invention – one which we've been selling to the world, but I'll let the school make their own decisions.
"I'm pro-mullet, I'm not so pro-rat's tails – rat's tails are a bit beyond the pale."
It is a shame, but also no surprise if the school is indeed "posh". The mullet is a staple of Australia's "bogan" classist stereotype, though we'd take issue with McGowan's claim of it being an antipodean innovation.
Recent excavations in Cambridgeshire have unearthed a copper figurine from Britain's Roman era (first century AD) that appears to be sporting the maligned do.
We'd also point to Kevin Keegan, David Bowie, Rod Stewart, Keith Richards, Paul McCartney, and Pat Sharp – the list could go on but all are Great British institutions who absolutely killed it with a mullet at some point during the 1970s or '80s.
Eyebrows may have been raised at the schools' claims that the mullet is "trending" but, if The Guardian is to be believed, it is "the hairstyle of 2021." The paper went on to note popstars Rihanna and Billie Eilish, actress Maisie Williams, and Joe "Tiger King" Exotic as all rocking variations on the theme in the year of our Lord 2021.
All the more reason for the students to cut their hair, we say. Once something is "cool", it's no longer cool. ®