British revellers have been asked for their favourite hangover cures, with some frankly bizarre results.
Those polled in the survey, which was commissioned by the makers of Tabasco sauce, declared that a full English breakfast was by far their favourite way of dealing with the consequences of a heavy night, with 32 per cent giving it the thumbs-up.
The podium places for confronting a thumping headache and a furry tongue were filled out by strong coffee (26 per cent), which narrowly edged out bacon sandwiches (25 per cent) into third in a near dead heat.
Other old favourites also featured highly, with hot buttered toast registering a respectable ninth on 13 per cent. Beans on toast and scrambled eggs reached thirteenth and fourteenth respectively on 11 per cent each.
Of the remaining pain-reduction ploys, some could be put down to youthful exuberance, such as "an energy drink", which came sixth with 15 per cent, or "a strawberry milkshake", which was the 19th most popular response on 8 per cent.
But questions must be asked as to the rightness of mind of the seven per cent of boozers who contrived to place chicken chow mein in 22nd place, one above the splendidly savoury and nutritious boiled egg with soldiers.
The 3 per cent of respondents who suggested a day with a hangover should best be started with sweet and sour pork balls (30th) are clearly suffering from a hangover caused by something other than alcohol. Possibly crack.
Misery craves company
It was also suggested that it is better not to face up to a bastard behind the eyes without help, with 62 per cent of those asked suggesting that the best way of dealing with it was "meeting friends for brunch."
- The Great Borkish Breakfast: I'll have a cup of tea, a sausage roll and a side of bork, please
- My fortnight eating Blighty's own human fart-powder
- Vote now for the ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE
- Brilliant Brit bloke builds breakfast-belching BACON DRONE
The likelihood that those very same friends probably helped you get into that state in the first place is probably what led 44 per cent of respondents to say they enjoyed dissecting the events of the night before, which would be a good subject to discuss over the brunch.
Indeed, 76 per cent of those questioned said that meeting to eat with friends the following day was sometimes better than the night out itself. It is a sad indictment of Britain's socialising habits if struggling with a hangover in the sullen company of similarly afflicted friends is more fun than the evening that got you there.
The results will certainly raise eyebrows about what people have been doing during the COVID lockdown as until very recently, going for a night out at all was strictly verboten, as was meeting up with friends to discuss it afterwards.
The Register can only assume the results of the survey reflect a certain level of wishful thinking over the past 18 months or so on the part of those polled. Although we have no doubt the lengthy period of enforced isolation we have all just been through would not be mutually exclusive from a prolonged contemplation of the nature of hangovers and who you would prefer to be experiencing them with.
The full list of Britain's favourite hangover cures is as follows:
1. Full English 32%
2. A strong coffee 26%
3. A bacon sandwich 25%
4. Sausage sandwich 16%
5. Burger and fries 15%
6. An energy drink 15%
7. Cold pizza from the night before 14%
8. A can of full fat cola 14%
9. Hot buttered toast 13%
10. Fried chicken 12%
11. A mug of sugary tea 12%
12. Chip butty 11%
13. Beans on toast 11%
14. Scrambled eggs 11%
15. Ham and cheese toastie 10%
16. A banana 10%
17. Chips and curry sauce 9%
18. A crisp sandwich 9%
19. A strawberry milkshake 8%
20. Chicken noodle soup 8%
21. Cookie dough ice cream 8%
22. Chicken chow mein 7%
23. Boiled egg and soldiers 7%
24. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream 7%
25. A Bloody Mary 6%
26. Avocado on toast 6%
27. A bowl of sweet cereal with full fat milk 5%
28. Ramen 5%
29. Dry roast peanuts 5%
30. Sweet and sour pork balls 3% ®