Here's one for those with their heads crammed so far up Elon Musk's arse they see the light when he yawns – a desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro design dedicated to the billionaire meme machine, both allegedly made from the molten body parts of a Tesla car.
One doesn't have to scroll far down anything the Tesla and SpaceX founder tweets to find legions of sycophants lapping up his bullshit pearls of wisdom, of which half he claims are composed while he's taking a dump. Suddenly everything makes sense.
Moving swiftly on from the concerning poop rate, helpfully highlighted by Neil "Nobody Asked You" deGrasse Tyson, Musk's most faithful adherents appear to be the target audience because who else could live with that smug mug judging your work?
Seems like a waste of a good car to us. But wait, there's more.
Both, we concede, bear more resemblance to their inspiration than the life-sized polyester resin statue inflicted on New York, which gave off more "tubby middle-aged bloke on street corner" than "godlike genius" vibes.
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But who, we hear you ask, is responsible for these tasteful designs? It's Caviar, a "famous luxury gadgets brand" from Russia, we are told. Any man who must say "I am king" is no true king at all. Likewise, Caviar can't simply claim to be "famous" when no one's heard of them, and the products themselves scream "notice me, senpai" as much as any of Musk's Twitter followers. Here's the guff anyway:
The bold design of the smartphone echoes the outline of Musk's Teslas. The centerpiece of the model – the steel-colored metal insert – is made from the remelted body of the electric car. The engravings on the aluminum panel feature a portrait of Musk, an outline of an electric car, and the Tesla logo. The insert in this model is made from copper alloy, which is the key component of electric car batteries.
The price of this model starts at $5,600 USD. Caviar will release only 99 copies worldwide.
The desktop bust of Elon Musk is made completely out of melted car parts – the hood, doors, etc. The limited-edition busts for fans of the world's richest businessman will feature only 27 figurines. The price of one copy is set at 2,700 USD.
Caviar founder Sergey Kitov added: "I believe that smartphones and busts created from a Tesla car are a new level for us. In my opinion, these new items embody the soul of Elon Musk [like a horcrux?! – ed] and, therefore, they will bring their owners the success and creativity of this outstanding individual."
As we head into the festive season, they will make a nice $8,300 stocking filler. Meanwhile, click here if you need help escaping a cult. ®